Well, This Story About The Kid From Small Wonder Is A Goddamned Bummer

Hey, it turns out the kid from Small Wonder isn’t doing so well. It’s a sad story, really. Oh well! Want to read it? You creep? From the New York Post:

A former child actor, who enjoyed fleeting fame on the 1980s comedy “Small Wonder,” is reportedly broke and homeless — and blames a stripper for his troubles.

Down-on-his-luck actor Jerry Supiran, 39, also claimed a crooked money man contributed to his current situation, living under a bridge in central California, according to The National Enquirer.

The former child actor played adorable preteen Jamie Lawson, who was the brother of his adopted sister, Vicki, a robot made by their dad.

“When I was 18, I dated a stripper and she took what was left of my trust fund — then one of my advisers stole a half-million dollars from me,” Supiran told the supermarket tab.

Oh jeez! Those are all awful things. The sensationalistic nature of the press suggests that somehow her being a stripper has something to do with it or is somehow the most damning part of the story, but really what we’re talking about is a deep and lasting betrayal by someone that Jerry Supiran probably thought he loved or at the very least had feelings for. They were dating and she abused his trust. Then you’ve got the money manager allegedly robbing him, which, again, is a man in whom Jerry Supiran put faith to specifically care for his better interests and watch out for him, which is all we can really ask for in this world and again he was betrayed. That is so sad! And you didn’t even hear about how he lost his job as a waiter yet!

The has-been actor’s final stop to homelessness came when he after losing his job as a waiter.

“I’ve worked at different steakhouses for the last 15 years,” he said. “But two years ago, I was laid off from a restaurant in Henderson, Nev., due to the economy. I haven’t been able to find a job since.”

THIS ECONOMY! AHHHHHHHH THIS STORY!!!!!!!! He’s worked at DIFFERENT steakhouses for the last 15 YEARS? Let’s all kill ourselves!

“It’s been very tough,” Supiran said.

“I had to move back to central California where my brother lives with his family. And while he helps me with hot meals and a shower, he doesn’t have the room for me to stay there. So I either sleep at the homeless shelter I volunteer at, or under a local bridge.”

He sleeps under a LOCAL bridge?! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!

The actress who played Vicki, Tiffany Michelle Brissette, 37, told The Post said she hasn’t seen Suprian since “Small” went off the air.

“I always remembered him as a fun kid, a fun guy,” said Brissette. “He had a lot of energy. He was crazy, but nothing unusual for a 10-, 11-year-old boy.”

Well, OK, take it easy Tiffany Michelle Brissette. Thank you for your expertise in developmental psychology, but I think we have most of the details we need. No one actually thought there was something unusual in the 10-year-old’s eyes, some kind of preternatural glimmer that only you, a 10-year-old child actor yourself, could recognize as the precursor to a life of steakhouse unemployment and sleeping under local bridges after a series of bad decisions involving untrustworthy confidantes.

Brissette, now a registered nurse in Boulder, Colo., said the instant fame is too much for many young actors.

“Kids who hold on to it, some can’t detach and move on,” said Brissette, who left acting as teen “for my normalcy and sanity.”

“It was a great run,” she added. “’Less is more,’ in my words. Moving forward and exploring life kept me normal. It was a fabulous run, but I was ready for what’s next.”

Can you imagine if your nurse was Vicki from Small Wonder?! Fantastic. “MUST CURE DISEASE BLEEP BLOOP I CAN CHOP TOMATOES SO FAST OR WHATEVER. HOMEWORK DOES NOT COMPUTE. INITIATING SPONGE BATH PROTOCOL.” You know how robots are, always SHOUTING. “Less is more” is a classic Tiffany MIchelle Brissette saying. It’s on every single one of her throw pillows.


(Thanks for the tip, Kevan.)