Updating Clifford The Big Red Dog For Its Live-Action Debut

With the nation becoming increasingly polarized on what should be thought of as a basic human right, the news of this morning’s devastating car bombings in Syria, and everyone on Earth trying to figure out how to deal with no new episodes of New Girl for what could be MONTHS, it seems only right to talk about the important issue of THERE’S GOING TO BE A LIVE-ACTION MOVIE ABOUT CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG! From The Hollywood Reporter:

Illumination Entertainment, the company behind the recent family hit Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax, and Universal are teaming up to bring Clifford the Big Red Dog to the big screen.

Matt Lopez has been set to write the script for the project, which will be a live-action/animated hybrid. Chris Meledandri will produce for Illumination Entertainment with Deborah Forte producing for Scholastic Media.

Clifford follows the adventures of a 25-foot-tall red dog and his owner, a child named Emily Elizabeth. The girl picked up the dog when he was a puppy and the runt of the litter, but her love for him made him grow super huge, so much so that the family had to move out of the big city to a New England-esque island town.

To be honest, I had no idea what the real plot of Clifford the Big Red Dog was until reading that little blurb and it sounds just delightful. He grew that big because of too much love? GET OUT OF TOWN! That sounds great! But in order to appeal to our generation, it’s going to need a little more “boom-boom-pow,” say. Something we, the iGeneration, can grab a hold of and never let go until something else flashes before our eyes and we forget about the first thing. Something like any or all of these things:

  • Clifford has a female best friend who is also huge and a dog and she is voiced by Charlotte Gainsbourg and you can tell there’s something wrong with her emotionally.
  • Clifford himself, although he wears a huge happy face to the world, often finds himself with deep malaise. He has everything a big red dog could want — a loving owner, someplace to play, a best friend voiced by Charlotte Gainsbourg — but he just doesn’t feel “happy” most of the time. Unless there is no true feeling as the “happiness” he strives to feel? Does everyone feel this way, he wonders?
  • Emily Elizabeth’s family is huge on organic food and recycling, but only when other people are watching.
  • Soundtrack by Carly Rae Jepsen and Isaac Brock.
  • Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn.

Other suggestions are welcome, but I think we’re off to a good start!