A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: The One Where Gabe And Kelly Fight About Hulu

Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hi kelly
Gabe: what’s up?
Gabe: what’s up with you?
Kelly: Not too much, but I just heard some upsetting news
Gabe: uh oh
Gabe: they’ve discontinued
Gabe: Gilmore Girls Insider Magazine?
Gabe: shuttering the offices
Kelly: No, that would be very foolish
Kelly: Of course not
Gabe: hmmm
Gabe: what could it be then
Gabe: that has you so upset i wonder
Kelly: Do you want to keep guessing or should I just tell you
Gabe: one more guess
Gabe: uhhhh
Gabe: the Taylor Swift song from the Hunger Games soundtrack
Gabe: ISN’T stuck in your head
Kelly: Oh dang, no but now I’m upset about THAT too.
Gabe: haha
Gabe: awwwwww
Kelly: That does NOT sound like an aww of respect.
Gabe: oh, god, yeah, no
Gabe: it’s not
Gabe: it was an absolutely derisive awww

Kelly: Well another thing that’s going to happen sooner with Hulu is that you’re going to have to wait a month after an episode airs to watch that episode
Gabe: look
Gabe: everybody needs to grow up
Gabe: the fact that hulu even existed in the first place is ridiculous
Kelly: How is that true
Gabe: uhhh, because
Gabe: television is BIG BUSINESS
Gabe: and in general
Gabe: you do not give away your product for free
Kelly: There are ads, though. Someone is making money someplace
Kelly: Isn’t that enough???
Gabe: hahah no
Gabe: i mean
Gabe: no one wants to read a chat
Gabe: about how the sausage is made
Gabe: but on-line advertising revenues compared to broadcast revenues
Gabe: is basically the difference between
Kelly: ZZZZZzzzZZZZzzz
Gabe: revenues and no revenues
Gabe: there might as well not be any advertising on hulu

Gabe: be serious
Gabe: you can’t pay for an episode
Gabe: of Big Bang Theory
Gabe: with a 30 second Chevrolet pre-roll
Gabe: i feel like we’ve talked about this basic subject before
Gabe: but in general, while i obviously enjoy and participate in the modern convenience of getting what you want whenever you want it at no additional cost
Gabe: it is just not a sustainable model for anything
Kelly: Sure
Kelly: I agree
Gabe: and people’s entitled and selfish belief that this is just the way things should be is ridiculous and stupid
Gabe: if you don’t want to pay for it that’s fine, but you shouldn’t expect that you just get to have it either
Gabe: the way the world always worked up until, what, 2006 or whatever, is that if you wanted something you had to pay for it
Gabe: and the reason it changed is NOT because of some kind of enlightenment
Gabe: of a better system
Gabe: it’s simply people being assholes about it
Gabe: (myself included. just kidding. never illegally download anything. it’s illegal. be smart stay in DARE.)
Kelly: I certainly agree that if you want something you should pay for it, and if no one is paying for anything things will eventually stop being able to be created
Kelly: BUT
Kelly: Since the world and technology and how the world uses technology have changed, do you not think it would be a good idea to have some way to meet the people who are going to be downloading your product illegally anyway in the middle?
Kelly: Not because they deserve it in any way
Kelly: Only to attempt to get something out of them
Gabe: well, there is no middle ground between paying something and not paying anything
Gabe: and i guess the answer to your question is basically no
Gabe: otherwise
Gabe: hulu would stay the way it is
Gabe: i mean, clearly the noble and generous thinking behind hulu was exactly that
Gabe: (noble and generous MIGHT be an exaggeration)
Gabe: they clearly tried to give people stuff on pretty generous terms
Gabe: and that is not working
Gabe: so they are going to make people pay again
Gabe: which seems about right
Gabe: and if the argument is people are going to steal it anyway, so people should just get it legally for free is not realistic

Kelly: Well, in this specific example, with Hulu
Kelly: I think requiring an actual cable subscription is also unrealistic
Kelly: Because people watch Hulu largely because they don’t want or particularly need a cable subscription
Gabe: bullshit
Kelly: I do think there should be a middle ground
Gabe: that’s not even close to true
Gabe: people watch hulu because it’s free
Gabe: and they’re lazy
Gabe: and they think this way
Gabe: they don’t NEED to pay for cable
Gabe: it is absolutely not because they made some fundamental decision
Gabe: about not needing cable in their lives
Kelly: Sure
Kelly: I’m not saying because they’re ANTI cable
Kelly: But because there are maybe only a few shows that they actually watch
Gabe: well, again, this is not true
Gabe: you can buy shows
Gabe: on iTunes
Gabe: for 2 dollars
Gabe: so if you only want to watch a show, you can watch a show legally and at a minimal cost
Gabe: i mean, i’m sorry to be so strongly in defense of THE MAN here
Gabe: but we’re also talking about episodes of THE OFFICE or whatever
Gabe: so it’s kind of beside the point to get too aggro-political
Kelly: So do you think there’s no way to have a middle ground between full on THE MAN and NO MAN?
Gabe: well let me ask you this
Gabe: what’s the difference between saying you need a cable account
Gabe: and saying you need to pay a subscription rate?
Kelly: I would think
Kelly: That having a cable account is just more expensive
Kelly: Than a subscription would be
Kelly: To watch things online
Gabe: well, you can think whatever you want
Gabe: you don’t know
Gabe: it seems like the language is what’s bothering you
Gabe: but ultimately they’re basically just saying
Gabe: you need to pay for our stuff now
Kelly: And by saying that Hulu is basically saying
Kelly: Goodbye
Kelly: We don’t exist anymore
Gabe: oh please
Gabe: where do you live? which part of Bushwick?
Kelly: I have cable! I buy Gossip Girl episodes on iTunes for two dollars!
Kelly: But who the F is going to buy cable
Kelly: Just so they can watch HULU
Kelly: on their computers

Gabe: but again, no one does that
Gabe: i mean, 20-year-olds in New York do that
Kelly: Do what?
Gabe: watch TV exclusively on Hulu with the firm belief that to cancel Hulu is to become irrelevant
Gabe: the only reason you or anyone else is mad that Hulu is changing is because you DO want what they are offering
Kelly: Hulu’s is a website where you can watch TV for free
Kelly: And the for free is the selling point
Gabe: right, but we are coming full circle
Gabe: for free is absolutely the selling point
Gabe: but in what way is that appealing
Gabe: to the person spending all the money
Gabe: to make the stuff you want for free?
Gabe: like, why should they care?
Gabe: that’s like saying “it’s ridiculous that Starbucks isn’t giving their coffee away for free becuase I want some of it.”
Kelly: No way
Kelly: What I’m saying is
Gabe: “It’s 2012 starbucks.”
Kelly: It doesn’t make sense for Hulu to not try and continue to be a middle man between TV and Internet.
Kelly: Because if they are just TV
Kelly: Then who cares?
Gabe: look, i don’t want to out myself to the rabble in light of the upcoming class wars
Gabe: but i am an HBO subscriber
Gabe: right?
Gabe: and HBO Go is basically the BEST THING
Gabe: which is HBO’s internet-based middle-ground
Gabe: but you have to be an HBO subscriber
Gabe: to get it
Gabe: so, i just am not buying the Internet’s insistence that
Gabe: the only way for anyone to do anything that matters is to give it away for free
Gabe: again and again and again: this just isn’t a sustainable model
Kelly: I agree
Gabe: so, perhaps what is necessary is some sort of sliding scale
Gabe: of subscription terms
Gabe: but all that actually means is
Gabe: go buy episodes on iTunes
Gabe: the sliding scale already exists in some ways
Gabe: so i don’t even know what the complaint is?
Gabe: unless the complaint is just that you want stuff for free
Gabe: and to that i say

Kelly: Well, I’m not totally sure what the “complaint” is, other than that. But all I’M saying is, as a person who does not even use Hulu and who has cable and buys Gossip Girl episodes on Apple TV, is that
Kelly: For hulu specifically
Gabe: what you’re saying is they need to have on-line distribution of their content, and they do, it’s called hulu, they’re just going to start making people pay for it
Kelly: With a CABLE subscription!
Gabe: also, this is all so speculative
Gabe: and rumor-based
Kelly: Well
Kelly: Hulu confirmed that it’s happening
Kelly: In the next few years
Gabe: by the time this actually happens
Gabe: the world will probably be underwater
Gabe: anyways
Gabe: but
Gabe: if a few people wrap water wings
Gabe: around their TVs and bob them to the surface
Gabe: you will probably be able to buy
Gabe: an on-line only subscription
Gabe: everyone just fucking RELAX
Gabe: but you especially, kelly
Gabe: you are FREAKING OUT
Kelly: I’m a real hot head, especially when it comes to Hulu.
Gabe: wanhhhhhhh, my name is kelly, wanhhhhhhh, i want to watch episodes of Bones on my computer for free in the middle of the day
Gabe: “why would you make The Voice irrelevant?” – Kelly
Kelly: “Why doesn’t everyone just pay for the premium channels and STFU?” -Gabe
Gabe: that is actually a direct quote from me
Gabe: i WOULD say that
Gabe: hey, guess what, i didn’t have cable television until i was 54 fucking years old
Gabe: and i dealt with it
Gabe: it’s not that big of a deal
Gabe: i wasn’t a goddamned crybaby about it
Kelly: And look how you turned out
Gabe: “What happened on Frasier last night?”
Gabe: it was a different world back then
Gabe: you kids couldn’t even have handled it
Kelly: Someday I hope to watch a book about it on my iLensBookReader
Kelly: For free