Pat Robertson Rests His Case About Global Warming

At this point, it’s pretty well understood that “global warming” was a misnaming of the scientifically proven fact of “global climate change.” The problem has less to do with hot weather (although rising sea temperatures as a result of shifting weather patterns are a very real issue) and more to do with unpredictable weather. That’s why you get more and longer storm seasons. That’s why you get tornadoes ripping down entire cities in Iowa and tsunamis flooding nuclear reactors in Japan and hurricane this and hurricane that. It’s a real mess! But, because Dr. Drew, or whichever Important Scientist in the 1980s misunderstood the ecological shift that was taking place and made up a bubble gum name to describe its effects, that gives dumb dumbs like Pat Robertson free reign to get onto their hateboxes and shout about how the whole thing is impossible because last night there was snow. It has not, historically, allowed dumb dumbs like Pat Robertson to make the counter-point that global warming is impossible because THERE ARE NO SUV’S ON MARS. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

There are obviously plenty of problems with this “news” segment from “CBN News.” For one thing, I love how they really want to make their classic argument that global warming is impossible since there was so much snow during the winter (even though, again, the amount of precipitation is actually directly linked to the climate shifts and in no way proof that there isn’t any effect, and I know there is science to back up this parenthetical aside on a pop culture blog but I’m not going to bother to look it up because I’m fighting Pat Robertson’s ill-informed fire with ill-informed fire!) but they can’t even rely on that because this summer was actually very warm, and so they go to France. You know, France, the place everyone is always talking about when it comes time to discuss global HUH? This gets into very tricky double-standard hacksmanship considering the fact that it is exactly programs like Pat Robertson’s that would be quick to suggest that we focus on America and not bring France into it when discussing pretty much anything! (For example: the poor, beleaguered climate scientist that Pat Robertson is suddenly so concerned about, Claude Allegre, is also a leading socialist. But that’s not useful to Pat Robertson’s argument here, so let’s just ignore it and feel so sad that this truth-teller can’t get the real truth out about SNOW!) Then there are quotes like this: “Some people have compared France’s news media to North Korea’s.” Hahahaha. Uh huh. FOR EXAMPLE NO EXAMPLE NECESSARY JUST TRUST US SOME PEOPLE DEF SAY THIS NO DUH. Perfect.

But none of this even matters when the important quote here is to think of Mars and how many SUVs there are on Mars. HERE WE GO, NOW WE ARE COOKING WITH SCIENCE. Bang the gavel, Pat Robertson. Because Fucking Genius Court is Crazy Adjourned.