We Get It, Zac Efron, You Have Had Sex (NOT!)

There was this movie in the 1990s directed by Gregg Araki called Nowhere, which was a pseudo-sequel to Doom Generation, and part of his “Teenage Apocalypse Trilogy.” Anyway, at one point in the movie one of the characters is bragging so hard about all the sex he’s had and another character who is very skeptical says “yeah right, who did you have sex with?” and he says “Uh, a bunch of different people, a bunch of different times.” That line always made me laugh so hard. I’m reminded of it by whatever the hell is even going on with Zac Efron these days. First there was the time when he dropped a condom on the red carpet at The Lorax premiere where just right off the bat it’s like, what? You’re Zac Efron and you’re at a movie premiere. Leave the condoms in the limousine. “But what if I want to fuck in the bathroom halfway through the children’s movie about the environment?” Good God, my man! And now, in an Australian press junket interview to promote his new movie, The Something Who Cares Love Love, he demonstrates his expert ability at unclasping bras. HAHAHAH. Methinks the lady doth proBARF enough. This is getting ridiculous. Next he’s going to release a sex tape but it’s going to be in the style of those Taiwanese CGI news stories. “Trust me, they’ve got most of the facts right and that kind of looks like me.” What a virgin.

No way, Jose. Breasts do not feel like bags of sand, either! (Via BuzzFeed.)