Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

Is everyone ready for this weekend’s Mad Men premiere?! I’ll be completely honest, I find Mad Men fascinating, but not for the reasons you might think. Oh, it’s a great show! Don’t worry. That’s not even really worth talking about. But did you know that, like, NOBODY watches it? It’s one of those things where if you were to believe what the Internet had to say about something, Mad Men is the National Bird. But the average number of viewers for last season was something like 1.4 million people, which is a number I kind of made up but also sounds right and in any case the number of people who watch the show is basically 0 people as far as the President of Entertainment is usually concerned. And yet, that show is so powerful and influential in the culture. That’s interesting! (When you’re talking about something complicated, one of the smartest theses to end with is “that’s interesting!” They’re probably going to start teaching college courses about this Monsters’ Ball intro soon.) Anyway, who cares. We are all going to watch it, and that’s the only thing that matters. Us on our island. No one else. Let’s swim!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the All The Chuckies Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 Gobblegirl | Mar 19th Score:45

I think it’s less likely that Paltrow is directly lying, and more that she just doesn’t understand how writing works.

I bet she sat down with her recipe box, thought about some stuff that she likes to eat, called some of her chef friends, and then worked with a professional chef to make all the recipes cookbook-ready.

And then she sat down with this writer and told her a little story about each recipe, and what it means to her and whatever, then the writer turned those into actual paragraphs, and GP looked at them and said “I like this one” and “This one needs more name-dropping.”

I’m guessing that GP didn’t just completely have it written, because she seems into herself enough to think that if it’s not her ideas it’s garbage. I think she doesn’t know what an “author” is.

Posted in: Gwyneth Paltrow Versus The New York Times Fact-Checking Department
#4 Polythene Pam | Mar 19th Score:49

If Mark Wahlberg wrote that scene, things wouldn’t have gone down like they did.

Posted in: Gwyneth Paltrow Versus The New York Times Fact-Checking Department
#3 Polythene Pam | Mar 19th Score:50

“I definitely wrote every word myself”

I think all this proves is that Julia Turshen also ghostwrites Paltrow’s twitter feed.

Posted in: Gwyneth Paltrow Versus The New York Times Fact-Checking Department
#2 topknot | Mar 20th Score:54


Posted in: Awww, Jon Hamm Doesn’t Think He’s Handsome!
#1 R2D2, Esq. | Mar 21st Score:58

We’re into The Hunger Games now, Dad. Quit embarrassing yourself.

Posted in: Teen Korner: OH SNAP MORE TWILIGHT, DAWGS!

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Heyyooooooo! R2D2, Esq., spoiler alert, I picked you as my Associate Editor’s choice before I realized that you also got the #1 highest rated. WHAT A SPECIAL WEEK FOR YOU! Congratulations on having the best day of your life. Congratulations to the rest of you, as well. Great comments all around, and to Gobblegirl: I think you are probably right.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment


Keith Elrod | Mar 20th Score:-10
Whoever you are, Gabe, you sound like a whiny bitch.
Posted in: The Walking Dead S02E13: Season Finale

[Ed. Note: Good comment. Very critical.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

sherlock joelmes | Mar 20th Score:44

Ohhh, the city that never sleeps. I get it now.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: All The Chuckies

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, sherlock joelmes! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

R2D2, Esq. | Mar 22nd Score:7

And then the sewer’s like, “BLOW up.”

Posted in: Some Days You Get Caught Near An Exploding Sewer

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Exactly correct.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

footagenotfound | 12:41pm Score:9

I blame Crisp for everything.

Posted in: That’s Your Boyfriend: Geraldo Rivera

[Ed. Note: HOW DARE YOU! Seriously, though, this Geraldo stuff? I know I’m broken record about it but who isn’t today? It’s all there is. And it’s awful. What a fucking monster. I hope his moustache becomes sentient and eats him, face first.]