The 2012 Golden Globe Nominations

It’s hard to believe that just a few short years ago none of us even really knew what the Golden Globes WERE, and now it’s become a whole thing. If there’s one thing Hollywood was definitely lacking, it was hollow, artistically and intellectually vacuous, self-congratulatory awards shows broadcast on television. Phew. Glad they finally filled in the gaps with one! To make matters worse, of course, Ricky Gervais is returning to host this year. Neat! Here is a sample joke from the 2012 Golden Globes opening monologue: “My name is Ricky Gervais and I wrote The Office so that’s why I’m so brave that I’m willing to stand up here and say that Taylor Lautner’s Abduction wasn’t a very good movie. BOOM! Nailed you, Taylor Lautner’s Abduction, in front of the whole world. I’m drinking beer!” Good jokes! Something something atheism!

For an awards show that has always seemed particularly dull and misguided, this year’s batch of nominees is not going to diverge from the ancient tradition. I mean, Gnomeo and Juliet got a nomination for fuck’s sake, and even if it is just for best song, IT IS GNOMEO AND JULIET. And are we really considering My Week with Marilyn a comedy? Because, uh, I mean, we can, but then we have to answer the pressing question: name one thing that is funny about it? (Not that it should be nominated for any awards in drama either. The only awards it should be up to win are awards for Things That Are Terrible And Make You Wonder How On Earth They Ever Got Made. That is the category in which My Week with Marilyn SWEEPS.) What a load of crap. What a magical celebration! The full list of nominees for the 2012 Golden Globes after the jump:

Best Picture, Comedy/Musical:
The Artist
Midnight in Paris
My Week with Marilyn

Best Picture, Drama:
The Help
The Descendants
The Ides of March

Best Actress, Comedy:
Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn
Charlize Theron, Young Adult
Kristin Wiig, Bridesmaids
Kate Winslet, Carnage
Jodie Foster, Carnage

Best Actor, Comedy
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50
Brendan Gleeson, The Guard
Ryan Gosling, Crazy, Stupid, Love

Best Actress, Drama:
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis, The Help
Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin

Best Actor, Drama:
George Clooney, The Descendants
Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar
Brad Pitt, Moneyball
Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March
Michael Fassbender, Shame

Best Director:
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
George Clooney, Ides of March
Martin Scorsese, Hugo
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

Best Supporting Actress:
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Bérénice Bejo, The Artist
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants
Jessica Chastain, The Help
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs

Best Supporting Actor:
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Albert Brooks, Drive
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method

TV Series, Drama:
American Horror Story
Boardwalk Empire
Game of Thrones

TV Series, Comedy:
Modern Family
New Girl

TV Actress, Comedy:
Laura Dern, Enlightenment
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Laura Linney, The Big C
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

TV Actress, Drama:
Claire Danes, Homeland
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Madeleine Stowe, Revenge
Callie Thorne, Necessary Roughness

TV Actor, Drama:
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Kelsey Grammar, Boss
Jeremy Irons, The Borgias
Damian Lewis, Homeland

TV Actor, Comedy
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
David Duchovny, Californication
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

Best Screenplay
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon and Jim Rash, The Descendants
George Clooney, Grant Heslov and Beau Willimon, The Ides of March
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
Aaron Sorkin and Steven Zaillian, Moneyball

Best Foreign Language Film
The Flowers of War
In the Land of Blood and Honey
The Kid With a Bike
A Separation
The Skin I Live In

Best Animated Feature
The Adventures of Tintin
Arthur Christmas
Cars 2
Puss in Boots

Best Original Score
Ludovic Bource, The Artist
Trent Reznor and Attivus Ross, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Howard Shore, Hugo
John Williams, War Horse
Abel Korzeniowski, W.E.

Best Original Song
“Lay Your Head Down,” Albert Nobbs
“Hello Hello,” Gnomeo and Juliet
“The Living Proof,” The Help
“The Keeper,” Machine Gun Preacher
“Masterpiece,” W.E.