A Woman Loves Hippos A Normal Amount, What About It?

You know when you wake up in your hippo bed and you roll over and move a few of the hippo pillows out of the way so you can get out and put on your hippo slippers and walk to the hippo shower, because even though you’ve tried in the past, you just CANNOT feel fully woken up without taking a hippo shower? Yeah. We’ve all had days before. We’re all alive, and I have to assume that most of us aren’t homeless. So I’m not sure what this news report’s angle is, singling this woman out just because, in addition to having a normal home life, she happens to drive a hippo car. (And it just happens to be her second hippo car.) Uhh, yeah. And? So yeah she has a hippo car and her home is full of hippos because she saw Fantasia a while ago and since then she’s just loved hippos, and all of her millions of hippo things have names, and, you know, whatever, but where’s the story here? Listen, ANY of us could have a hippo car if we wanted one. We’ve all thought about it and weighed the pros and cons and, to be sure, the pros outweigh the cons every single time but that’s when you realize that there are more things to consider then just pros and cons. Like the fact that you’d have to buy a car first and maybe some of us don’t have the funds or even the need for a car? We just shouldn’t have to compete like this, is all I’m saying. We all appreciate hippos the exact right amount, which is obsessively.

Ah, a simple portrait of American life. The thing that is most upsetting about this news report, though, is that it is NEVER pointed out that this woman’s name is Sue Chefman, AKA: SOUS CHEF-MAN. Hahahahaha. Sous Chef-man. Why aren’t you a sous chef, Sue Chefman? You’ve made a tremendous mistake. One of the largest mistakes I’ve come across in a long time. Maybe you can think about becoming a sous chef? It’s never too late! I know you were probably only expecting feedback about the hippo thing but, as we’ve already pointed out, that is normal and boring and what is most important is how your name is Sous Chef-man. Please make a career switch! You say you’re not a doctor and that you help people with your hippo car, which, ugh, let’s not even get into it, but maybe you can help people by being a sous chef? PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT, THAT’S ALL I ASK! (Via UniqueDaily.)