Just kidding. The all-caps title was a JK. The news that Ryan Seacrest may replace Matt Lauer on Today seems obvious not because I knew that Matt Lauer was thinking of not renewing his Today contract when it’s up in 2012, but because from what I can tell it seems like television will eventually evolve* into merely an image of Ryan Seacrest smiling while we plug in and download celebrity news directly into our permanent brain drives. In fact if you had asked me this morning, “Hey, what’s the least shocking bit of news you could hear?” I would have responded, “Either that Ryan Seacrest is in talks to replace Matt Lauer on Today oooor” and you would have said, “STOP RIGHT THERE! Stop guessing, you got it.” And I would’ve said, “Oooooor that Breaking Dawn is still #1 at the box office.” And you would’ve said, “You already got it.” And I would’ve said, “got what?” Because I AM IMPOSSIBLE. Anyway, don’t take MY word for it, of course. Here is The Hollywood Reporter:

The latest round of rumblings began with the The Wall Street Journal, which reported that NBC executives, including Today executive producer Jim Bell, met with Seacrest earlier this week to discuss the possibility of him joining NBC’s hugely valuable morning show. Multiple sources confirm to The Hollywood Reporter that the meeting did take place, but described it as part of continued discussions with the multi-hyphenate American Idol host.

I don’t know about you but I am on the edge of my seat just waiting to hear where this story goes just kidding! Lots of jokes in here. To continue on with the fun we’ve been having, I’ve included a list of EVEN MORE SHOCKING Ryan Seacrest news that all may or may not be true, who can say:

  • Last night Ryan Seacrest got more than four hours of sleep and has been blaming everything that goes wrong on “maybe too MUCH sleep?” today.
  • Ryan Seacrest will make a shocking appearance on The Soup after Joel McHale says something about how he is short.
  • This morning Ryan Seacrest ate half a grapefruit and it wasn’t the best grapefruit he’s ever eaten but not the worst, closer to the worst but not by a very large margin.
  • Ryan Seacrest will replace Regis Philbin on Ryan & Kelly.
  • Ryan Seacrest will replace Larry King on Ryan Seacrest Live.
  • Ryan Seacrest is Entertainment Weekly’s Man of the Year or whatever for 2012 already.
  • Ryan Seacrest gives a lot of the stuff he gets for free away to whoever wants it when they visit his home.
  • Ryan Seacrest has been given a contract from Hollywood in general that he will be on TV long after we’ve all forgotten what TV is because we’re sooooo old.
  • Ryan Seacrest gets his suits made to his exact measurements in fabric he hand-picks.
  • Ryan Seacrest likes food enough but wouldn’t call himself a foodie.
  • Ryan Seacrest doesn’t object to having a little bit of work done if he needs it, after all what he looks like is a big part of his job.

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! Who knew Ryan Seacrest could have all of that up his well-tailored sleeve. What an intense morning we’ve all had already! Go hit the showers, you deserve it.

*Evolve is correct.