The Petting Zoo: The Week’s Top 10 Animal Videos

HOLY MOLY, did you guys see that new Rick Perry campaign ad? What a nightmare! What a crazy, shithead, end of the world nightmare. Luckily for the next however long it takes to watch ten animal videos, we don’t have to think about ANY nightmares, no matter how balls-out intolerant and just plain wrong they are. WE ONLY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT ANIMAL VIDEOS! In some important animal video news, I just found out that America’s Funniest Home Videos, the world’s FIRST animal video with an ever-present 3rd person unwanted narrator source, is now on Netflix instant. I KNOW. First the entire catalogue of How It’s Made and now this — one season of AFHM. They really have your number over there. I watched an episode of it last night after Cave of Forgotten Dreams just to rebalance and most of that sentence isn’t even a joke. So let’s get to it, shall we? We have so many good ones today. I’m not sure that any of them are better than the dog on a bicycle from last week, but lots of them come VERY CLOSE! I can’t wait. Let’s do it. Not IT it, but let’s watch these vids.

10. Corgi Attacks Electric Toothbrush

9. Kookaburra Calls

8. Close Encounter With A Zebra

7. Kitten Gives Baby Goat A Bath

6. The Porcupine From Last Week Also Loves Pumpkin

5. Bear Cub Plays With Dog

4. Puppy Vs. Ice Cube

3. Bulldog Vs. Baby

2. Chimp Family Hang Out

1. Dog Loves Bath

CONGRATULATIONS, DOG LOVES BATH! What a beautiful, relaxing video. Although I will admit that I am 50% nervous that someone is going to comment with something like, “That dog clearly has a medical problem and it hates baths and they had to sedate him in an inhumane way to take this video, GLAD YOU’RE ENJOYING IT. Also it’s not a dog.” I hope that isn’t the case because, to me, it looks like a definite dog who is just loving the shit out of life and that bath he’s getting. The number two video, chimps hanging out, is wonderful because it’s always wonderful to watch chimps hanging out. They don’t even need to be doing anything in particular and they STILL get the number two slot. WONDERFUL! I could honestly watch chimps hanging out all day. It’s too bad that having “watching chimps all day” as part of your job requires a lot of other parts of that job that I wouldn’t want to do, like studying them or knowing anything about them or having a purpose. Luckily my actual job still requires it for about three minutes every week. Ok, what else. The porcupine from last week is back! Remember when he ate the corn and had a funny voice? Aw, he’s still doing great, doing the exact same thing. Nice to see him again. Baby with bulldog is so cute that I don’t even want to talk about it. The zebra sticking its head in the car window is the best because I can tell that I hate EVERYONE in that car, and if I were that zebra I would’ve done the exact same thing. Great job, zebra! Great job, everyone! CONGRATULATIONS!