This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

Eh. If you map out the movie trailer timeline, all of the big, fancy, dramatic awards movies are about to come out in the next couple of months and so those trailers are released. And it’s a little too early for the summer blockbuster trailers. So we’re dealing with movies in the Dead Zone of February, March, April, what have you. I’m not trying to get you not to click through and watch these trailers. Please do! I’m just being honest with you. A Rupert Grint movie about snow? “A Film By Madonna”? You get a sense of what we are dealing with here. I just want you to be prepared.

Wrong teaser

This is directed by the same guy who made that movie about a car tire that has psychic powers and kills people or something? Still not entirely clear why they didn’t just smoosh this movie together with the Tim and Eric movie and make One Giant Movie, but I am not in a position to make those kinds of decisions. Yet.

Into the White

No idea. Looks serious. I hope they eat each other to survive. And also Nazi zombies or I don’t even know what.

John Carter

This is the second trailer for this movie, and as much as I like Taylor Kitsch and epic space action adventures and the guy who directed it is from Pixar which has a sterling reputation, let’s just say this movie could really go EITHER WAY but that it’s leaning ONE WAY IN PARTICULAR. That doesn’t mean we won’t see it, because we will see it, won’t we? But fingers crossed. Quick prayer as the lights go down.


Eww, this shit is soooo ’90s. I’m all for female empowerment, but this genre of lone white woman getting vengeance against a sex criminal in the face of a disbelieving police force needs to go away. Like, if a woman went missing and her sister claimed that the woman was abducted by a murderer, would the police really tell her that it was “all in her head”? On what grounds? I know this is just the trailer and I’m sure the movie itself is super smart and logical and everyone’s characters and motivations are very real and believable but I will just have to stick with my baseless assumptions because no way in hell am I watching this.


Uh, this trailer has a LOT of surprises! First you’re like, OK, got it, period piece about a royal love triangle. Then you’re like, RECORD SCRATCH, we are also going to be dealing with some emo girl in 1998 in search of some letters that seem to be owned by a cartel of threatening eastern europeans for some reason? (Why are they so tough about these love letters?!) And then you think you’ve got a handle on it again when UH OH, “A Film By Madonna” GUHHHHHHHHH! WHUUUUUUUUU?!


Sure. Yes. James Ellroy? Yes. Good cast, King Kong, etc. I think we can all get on board with this. Am I right, LADIES? Good date movie. It’s lucky for this movie that it looks good enough that we still want to see it, despite the fact that the very first title card about Woody Harrelson playing the “Most Corrupt Cop You’ve Ever Seen On Film” is ridiculous. But we got through it. Survivors.