Oh No, Santa

Oh no, Santa. I’m not entirely sure what you’re intent was here but I think we can all agree that you flew a little too close to the sun with this particular scheme. Now we’ve all been watching you attempt to shimmy down a rope from the second floor of the mall to the first for what feels like hours, and you’ve lost your beard, and NONE of the children are singing anymore. You have to be wondering why you even bother. Why try to make a dramatic entrance at all? If we being honest with ourselves, the children were never really even singing for you. They barely clapped when you were announced, much to the chagrin of the woman on the microphone. Times have changed. No one believes in their mall santa anymore, especially not when his beard gets caught on a rope he’s shimmying down for absolutely no reason at all. Maybe it’s time to throw in the towel. What do kids even like these days? Kanye West? Well you’re certainly not going to be the mall’s Kanye West, that’s for sure. If the kids want their own mall Kanye West they can just go fly a kite about it because NAH UH. Not you, mall Santa. If these kids aren’t impressed with one of the classic Holiday characters who is trying desperately to impress them then that’s THEIR problem.

You just keep trying to get down that rope, Santa. That’s all any of us can do. (Or also don’t do that.) (I don’t know why you tried to do that!) (YOUR BEARD CAME OFF!) (Via TheHighDefinite.)