Ladies Are Faking Engagements To Try On The Twilight Wedding Dress, Obviously

Oh ladies, screw your heads back on! They’re falling off! From TMZ:

TMZ has learned, lady Twihards are invading bridal boutiques, secretly lying about being engaged … so they can try on a replica of Bella’s wedding dress from the new flick.

The $799 replica is being sold in Alfred Angelo bridal boutiques everywhere — and people who work at the chain tell us the scheming fans are driving them crazy, making it extremely difficult to conduct business.

Oh man, you have no idea how badly I wish I could hear some of these fake engagement stories. Because you know that Twilight fans with their sex-as-death-metaphor-based desires and their ice cold dildos are not just bold as brass walking into these stores saying, “I’m engaged so you have to let me try on the dress no questions asked.” They definitely have elaborate back stories worked out ahead of time, and an extra MCR t-shirt in their Bad Batz Maru mini-backpack to wipe up all the flop sweat. “Gregory and I met last summer when we were both working at Cold Stone Creamery. He’s 100 years older than me hahahaha just kidding, I wish, he’s only six years older than me, but my parents still disapprove. Well, too bad, moommmmm. I bet she’ll come around when she sees me in my dress. So I’m just going to casually browse and–oh my, what is this dress I’ve never seen before?! This is gorgeous! Who designed this? For the what movie? Really?! I’ve heard of it but I’m more into serious literature, like John Grisham. Do you think it would be cool if I tried it on every day for the next 10 years? Leave me alone with the dress now, please.” Why aren’t these cashiers writing this stuff down? Write this stuff down, cashiers! And email it to me at [email protected].