Jennifer Lopez IS Carmen Sandiego!

How mad are you guys that Hollywood hasn’t done a Carmen Sandiego reboot? “Give us what we want, Hollywood!” That’s you guys. “We want a Carmen Sandiego reboot!” This is your Occupy Wall Street, I’m sure. “Down with an exploitative society in which there is an unequal distribution of Carmen Sandiego reboots!” Sheesh. Relax! Look! From Deadline:

Walden Media has acquired rights to turn Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? into a live-action film involving Jennifer Lopez. I’d heard that Walden Media will develop the property as a vehicle for Lopez to play the title character, but Walden Media said at this point, she’s attached to produce only. The hope is to turn the property into National Treasure meets The Thomas Crown Affair. The logline: When the ACME agency’s greatest detective Carmen Sandiego becomes the world’s greatest thief, it’s up to her former partner to follow her clues and track her down. Their cat-and-mouse game leads the partner to confront a greater mystery: Is Carmen really a thief or a hero?

I can understand wanting to make another National Treasure. That movie was very successful for some reason. But how are you going to list The Thomas Crown Affair as your inspiration. If only. Also, how is Jennifer Lopez NOT going to be Carmen Sandiego at this point? Girl, get your head right. Produce. Produce THIS. Jennifer Lopez produce. Ha! I bet the studios love that. “If you want someone to make sure a project runs smoothly and comes in under budget, get Jennifer Lopez to produce it. She’s all business.” Give me a break. PUT ON THE TRENCHCOAT AND THE HAT AND DROP YOUR CLUES ABOUT COFFEE BEAN EXPORTS AND FLAG COLORS AND DISAPPEAR INTO THE STREETS OF ISTANBUL, JENNIFER LOPEZ.

Meanwhile these guys are just like, “OK, boys, this is why we have continued to practice twice a day for the past 30 years. We knew this call would come and it finally has. Let’s drink some hot water with honey and get some rest. We’re gonna need it!”.

Where in the world is the person who thinks this is a good idea, that’s what I want to know! LOLOLOL! If you need me, you know where to find me.