A Love Letter From The San Francisco Bush Man

Dear Love,

I understand that I’m coming from at this from a weird place. We hardly know each other and the way we met was, well — I hesitate to say it was unusual. It is the way I meet most people, and as a meet cute? It’s pretty good for a meet cute. Perhaps not the meet cute that every woman dreams of, but it certainly wouldn’t make for a bad start to a, let’s be real, probably unintentionally racist romantic comedy. You were there, walking with your friend, probably out shopping for the day or on your way to a light lunch. And I was there, doing my 60k/yr job according to some website of hiding in a bush and startling people as they walk by. Two souls adrift on a sea of chance. I saw you headed in my direction and, to be honest, I was scared for a moment. You read that right. YOU scared ME! Haha, can you even imagine. A tourist scaring the San Francisco bush man. Well, it’s true. I saw you and I thought, “I don’t know what to do!” For a moment I forgot everything I had learned about startling people over the years. I was frozen. But then I came to my senses and realized that if I couldn’t pull it together for this moment, the moment I had to impact the life of a woman I had fallen instantly in love with, then what was it all for? You inspired me and brought me back to life, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.

So, what do you say? Do you love me too? I’ll be hiding in the bush anxiously awaiting your answer. You know where to find me. But I have to ask you, please, please don’t blow my cover if you see some tourists walking by. This is my 60k/yr livelihood, after all, according to a website. (Via Neatorama.)