Live Blogging The Viral Marketing For 50 Cent’s New Energy Drink (P.S. 50 Cent Has A New Energy Drink)

00:01 First off all let me just say how excited I am that 50 Cent is getting into the energy drink business. It seems like a very legitimate and very good business and everyone should definitely pump more shit into their bodies to keep themselves awake so that they can, I don’t know, get laid? Get laid. And 50 Cent is cool and this whole thing is already great even without a commercial.
00:02 OH! A parody of The Hangover! Even better! And the drink is called Street King? Stop it. Stop. It’s too perfect, my head is falling off.
00:03 I love that they needed an extra who would only be seen from the ankle down to represent a wild night of partying, and they still couldn’t find someone without tree trunk legs covered in weird side-foot tattoos. Would kill to see that Craigslist casting call.
00:08 It is always the coffee table that is first to go when you are having fun, you know? “Ruin the coffee table!” That is step one of partying.
00:09 There are METAL CHAINS and a HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP BELT on the arm of the couch. The belt will be contextualized later with the cameos of Mike Tyson and Floyd Mayweather, but what are the metal chains all about? Is that a thing? I don’t party a lot. Is that a thing?
00:11 This hotel room has a balcony? Pretty standard, probably.
00:13 Finally we see 50 Cent and his mouth is full of chicken feathers. Ha! Wild! I love that he was sleeping on the floor and his mouth is full of chicken feathers, but he still has his hat on? Dude is a gentleman. (The feathers might have come from an illegal cockfight or something disgusting and sexual, but Occam’s Razor suggests PILLOW FIIIIIIGHT!)

00:19 Floyd Mayweather wakes up and tosses inflatable toys everywhere. There is also a pinata on the opposite side of the couch. Uh, cool party, boys. Who turned nine?
00:21 50 Cent finds a giant bra and looks at it like “what on Earth?” Well, let me guess: you had sex with a big girl? Can we get back to the metal chains and the feathers? A large bra is the least of the surprises in this room.
00:28 Mike Tyson comes out of the bathroom listening to a 50 Cent song from 10 years ago. Hahha. Admittedly, this is what anyone would do if they found themselves hanging out with 50 Cent. “Remember this? You made it!”
00:34 Mike Tyson explains that his energy the night before was sky high and he’d never been that way before in his life. Seriously? You used to be a professional athlete. You raped a woman. You bit a dude’s ear off. But now, as a 60 year old man in a hotel bar, that is when your blood finally gets pumping? This must be SOME energy drink! 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather look very confused. Wha’ happen?!
00:37 FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHBACK! (It’s funny that we still use the “rewind” sound effect even though with DVDs and web videos there’s no such thing anymore. I wonder what kids think that sound is.)
00:41 It is hilarious to imagine 50 Cent, Mike Tyson, and Floyd Mayweather going to a bar and just sitting on a couch together in the middle of the bar. I’m sure that’s what they do.
00:51 The girls at the bar are just POUNDING bottles of Street King. These are very cool girls! I’ve never even heard of this product before and these girls are drinking it like old pros. They must be early-adopters.
00:53 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather give each other the secret “Let’s Drug Our Friend Without Telling Him” wink. Cool wink from a couple of cool customers.
00:55 I think it’s wrong to secretly spike anyone’s drink with anything, much less to spike your friend’s drink with an unapproved energy drink distributed by a rapper, but if you were going to do something like this, would you really do it to MIKE TYSON’S PUNCH OUT?
01:00 That being said, 50 Cent’s new energy drink Street King is perfect for slipping into people’s drinks without them noticing due to its distinct PURPLE COLOR and what has to be an incredibly SUBTLE flavor profile. This guy knows what I’m talking about.
01:06 Apparently, a single sip of Street King makes you have a bicycle seat orgasm.
01:13 There is something about convicted rapist Mike Tyson chasing a group of screaming women down a hotel hallway that seems like an image you WOULDN’T want associated with your product, but what do I know.
01:19 Holy shit. I actually was kidding about the pillow fight earlier, but it turns out Occam’s Razor is right AS USUAL.
01:30 “Didn’t you see me step to that tall piece of water? Like a thoroughbred, not a loaf of bread.” Guys, I think Mike Tyson might actually be a genius.
01:47 Mike Tyson has too much energy. Please drink Street King in moderation.
01:51 For a parody of The Hangover, the mystery of what happened to these guys is pretty easy to solve. They drank an energy drink, went back to the hotel room, had a pillow fight, and went to sleep. I’m not sure why Floyd Mayweather and 50 Cent kept giving each other such confused looks as if they didn’t both conspire to drug their friend Mike Tyson. Do they really have so little idea about the effects of their product? Perhaps they should have dug a little deeper into their investment before signing the contracts. Or at the very least, tested the product out on someone other than heavyweight champion and brain damage victim Mike Tyson.
01:52 This video is labeled “Part One” which is obviously GREAT NEWS.

(Via Nah Right.)