Revising Roman Polanski’s Apology To The 13-Year-Old Girl He Drugged And Sodomized

According to our nation’s paper of record, the Hollywood Reporter, Roman Polanski is featured in a new documentary about his legal herstory in which he offers an apology to Samantha Greimer, the woman he drugged and assaulted when she was only 13 years old.

Director Roman Polanski publicly apologized to Samantha Greimer, the woman he sexually assaulted 33 years ago, in a new documentary that had its world premiere Tuesday at the Zurich Film Festival.

“She is a double victim: my victim and a victim of the press,” the Oscar-winning director says near the end of Laurent Bouzereau’s Roman Polanski: A Film Memoir.

Uh, hey Roman, let’s try that again buddy, cool? No, no, that was great, you’re doing great, we just want to get one more take on the apology for safety so that we have something to work with in the editing room. First of all, let’s lose the part about the press. Roman. Roman, please. You know that I understand what you’re saying, I hear you, dude. But it kind of seems like you’re trying to split the guilt here 50/50 between you and “the press,” and I think, you know, it’s your first public apology in 34 years so I think you should keep it simple and leave the media out of it. Me? What would I have you say? Hmm, OK, right, OK, yeah, how about: DEAR SAMANTHA GREIMER, I AM VERY SORRY THAT I DRUGGED AND SODOMIZED YOU WHEN YOU WERE 13 YEARS OLD. And that’s it. Action!