Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

Yesterday morning, I was wearing shorts (don’t point fingers because you make an ass out of you and I can wear what I want!) and yesterday evening I was wearing a jacket. Fall has FLUNG! I know there are going to be some more warm days over the next couple of weeks before we all crawl back into the hidey-holes we’ve dug with our broken-nailed fingers, but boy was that fast. The new season of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia started last night which is OUR generation’s changing of the colors. Good night, sweet summer. You were a season that flew to close to the BEACH BUM! (The seasons may change, but my need to lie down in the gutter and wait for a young child to kick-roll my body all the way to the hospital by the end of every Friday is EVERGREEN.) Have a good weekend, girls.

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Jeremy Piven Walking His Emmys Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 huckabeast | Sep 12th Score:54

“What a bright, clever young woman.”

-Ryan Gosling, reading The New York Magazine.

Posted in: The New York Magazine Approval Matrix Is OUR Generation’s Monsters’ Ball
#4 hotspur | Sep 12th Score:56

I love this site, with its music reviews, occasional free mp3s, and meanspirited, hollow snark directed at struggling musicians.

Posted in: Ryan Gosling Gets Mistaken For Ryan Reynolds, Says Ryan Gosling
#3 Miss Rabbit | Sep 14th Score:68

I don’t think you want to go down this path:

Posted in: Really Look At Jon Hamm, Ladies, Really Look At Him
#2 hotspur | Sep 13th Score:70

Not sure about the bigotry but I *do* agree with the smokescreen: My friend Jay was a huge libertarian in the 90s, railing against the existence of the post office, etc. To an extreme: in our apartment he filled a closet with water, powerbars, and guns. Convinced that in our lifetime a civil war would reduce civilization to ash. But when it did, from the ruins, he and I would emerge — leaders of a ragtag band of noble survivalists, thanks to his brilliant strategic mind and my (this is what he said) “charisma”; we’d rally the remnants of humanity to our cause, and begin our specie’s long trek back to civilization. Oh and all the while endlessly skirmishing with the other micro-civilizations that sprang up to stop us. He put libertarian signs on our lawn every election and went so far as to design (in secret, but I caught him) our post-apocalypse flag.

I tried to convince him this was idiotic. That he was actively rooting for the death of millions, including his family. He was unswayable.

I came to understand libertarianism as a smokescreen for how small and under-utilized he felt at his job. He’d been told his whole life “In America you can be anything!” but in reality he’d become an IT gopher who spent his day cleaning mouses and resetting peoples’ passwords because they forgot them. He really wanted to be heroic instead.

Postscript: I was actually present when his libertarianism died forever. It was on 9/11. We stayed in, with the TV on all day. A week later he began to clean all the water and powerbars out of the closet.

Posted in: Tea Party Debate Audience Would Like Everyone To Die
#1 R2D2, Esq. | Sep 13th Score:97

I’m actually really pissed with Wolf Blitzer for how he couched the issue. He set up a scenario where someone who could afford health insurance chose not to and then got sick. Well guess what, Wolf. The people who can afford health care are not the ones I’m worried about! Ask the real fucking question*, which is about the tens of millions of people who don’t get insurance through their job and simply can’t afford to buy it on their own. Do we kill them off? Ask it, you simpering jackass.

*I actually think the real real question is why we don’t socialize medicine and stop forcing people choose between death and bankruptcy, but we’re nowhere near having that conversation for real in America, so I’ll settle for the other one.

Posted in: Tea Party Debate Audience Would Like Everyone To Die

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Well that was a pretty HEAVY WEEK, wasn’t it? Jesus Christ. Great job to R2D2, Esq. and hotspur for pulling in the top two comments from a very heated comment section. Apologies to the rest of you for looking a little like you don’t have your priorities in the right place in comparison, but still congratulations because you did it! You got there, great job. Great comments. Have a great weekend.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1 demonkitty | Sep 13th Score:-21
Gabe, I love this site & your writing, but you don’t know shit about anarchism. Nothing annoys me more than people equating right wing corporatist crap with the fundamental truth that the state is simply a monopoly on violence. In fact, that right wing corporatist crap that you just equated with anarchism requires the state to be a monopoly on violence because that is the only way corporations can enforce their will. And before you tell me I should go live in Somalia for a day, let me just point out that the bad guys already have all the guns…

Read some Emma Goldmun and get back to me.

Posted in: Tea Party Debate Audience Would Like Everyone To Die

[Ed. Note: Wait, what? Look, if your argument is that the state is an exploitative institution created to maintain and protect the wealth of the upper-class and that their means of doing so is through institutionalized violence, you won’t get much argument from me. If your argument is that in response to this we need to ABOLISH THE STATE ENTIRELY, that is where our paths diverge. To your point, you are right, I am not an anarchy scholar, so please feel free to give me a C- and tell me to see you after class. But the fact of the matter is that whether or not they genuinely mean it or if it is just a rhetorical flourish (I would argue for the latter), libertarianism does argue for the abolishment of the state, so even if the fundamental philosophy behind your brand of anarchism and theirs is entirely different, that doesn’t change the fundamentals, and also you are both full of shit. If you honestly think that the world is going to be a much better place without any governments, you are OUT. OF. YOUR. MIND. Now what is this about Somalia? Is that a thing?]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

[Ed. Note: (Said in response to this.) Congratulations, Frank Lloyd Wrong! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

Rara | Sep 14th Score:15

Not so much breaking news as it is BENDING! Bye.

Posted in: BREAKING: Gumby Turns Himself In

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Just a job well done here. “Congrads,” Rara.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

godsdog | 12:37pm Score:10

They r sexy but they r bitches.

Posted in: An Open Letter To The University Of Montreal Students Who Wore Black Face

[Ed. Note: It’s always nice to be reminded of an old CLASSIC.]