If Someone Gives You An Air Freshener, Will You Watch A TV Show?

As we approach the fall television season, networks are scrambling for ways to get people to watch their new garbage TV shows. There are the standard ways, like terrible billboards, and then there are more inventive ways, like handing out pilot scrips and beach towels on the jitney to promote Revenge, ABC’s Hamptons murder show or whatever, or handing out gross air fresheners to promote Last Man Standing. From The Hollywood Reporter:

To capitalize on the Tim Allen comedy’s “manly man” theme, the network is handing out barbecue chicken-scented Allen air fresheners at hardware stores, gyms and auto-parts stores. Football games will host show-themed food trucks and “man caves.”

“I just have one question — Where do I sign?!” – All men. Some other campaigns include sets of twins handing out shot glasses and mirrors that say “truth” and “lies” on them, to promote the CW’s Ringer, and girls dressed up as the girls from Fox’s 2 Broke Girls handing out coffee. Personally, I love it when networks do promotional stunts like this. I remember when White Collar was premiering there were a bunch of guys in the Times Square area handing out white button-down shirts that were all extra large and kind of unwearable looking and didn’t even say White Collar on them, I don’t think. And that garbage show just got renewed for a fourth season so I guess clearly the extra large white button-down shirt thing worked very well. The only problem I have with this is that not ALL of the new TV shows are going to these lengths. What the F? What’s wrong with the other guys? ASLEEP? ARE YOU ALL ASLEEP? Just in case, we can all cover their bases by developing some great campaign ideas for them:

H8R (CW): To promote the show about B-list celebrities basically confronting bloggers who talked badly about them, B-list and below celebrities walk around NYC and LA and yell at people through megaphones, very close to their ears, then they hand them Warheads candy with the H8R logo on it, and then they step in front of them when they’re trying to walk away and block them for a few moments while making very intense eye contact.

Up All Night (NBC):  To promote the show about people having a baby, Will Arnett and Christina Applegate lookalikes hang out outside of Planned Parenthood and hand out baby-shaped alarm clocks that wake you up at all hours of the night and instead of a crying noise they have a guy doing a crying baby impression saying “Up All Niiiiiiiiiiggghhttttt.”

Free Agents (NBC): You get to have sex with either Hank Azaria or Kathryn Hahn.

New Girl (FOX): Fox employees walk around NYC and LA handing out glasses to pretty girls. Just as the pretty girls put on the glasses, they are overlooked by an attractive stranger.

Charlie’s Angels (ABC): Women dressed up as Charlie’s Angels walk around Times Square and kidnap lucky strangers for an elaborate Charlie’s Angels themed crime solving scheme that takes like a week and they don’t tell the strangers what they’re doing the whole time to make it more authentic and then at the end they give them a Charlie’s Angels iPhone case and that’s when they’ll realize what they’ve been doing for the past week.

I Hate My Teenage Daughter (FOX): Compensated mothers across the US are organized to be a little rude to their teenage daughters on the day of the premiere.

Grimm (ABC): To promote this show about a monster hunter, REAL monsters are released in NY, CA, and in a few places in the midwest. As the monsters go on a tear of death and destruction, a few actors/models are sent out to hunt them wearing Grimm t-shirts. If anyone kills the monsters before the actors/models get to them, they are also given a Grimm t-shirt. If the monsters kill anyone before the actors/models can get to them, t-shirts are given to the surviving family members. If there are no surviving family members, a Grimm t-shirt will be placed on the body at the time of burial.