New Dialogue That Was NOT Added To The Star Wars Blu Ray

Saying “the nerds are mad about Star Wars” is basically the same thing as saying “the nerds are.” Being mad about Star Wars is the nerds’ constant. But, you know, guess what. The nerds are mad about Star Wars. It was revealed yesterday that in the upcoming Blu Ray release of the original trilogy, in that scene where Duke Skywalker is losing his LaserSword™ battle with Mr. Emperor, and then Dark Vader comes up and throws Mr. Emperor off the balcony, instead of the genuinely intense and interesting silence of that scene, now Dark Vader shouts “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Hahhaha. Oh geez. Usually I don’t have much sympathy for the nerds–they whine too much and their glasses are too taped together–but that is pretty awful. It’s kind of amazing how good George Lucas is at ruining stuff. He needs to pull a George Cadanza and do the exact opposite of whatever his instincts are telling him. Anyway, as mad as the nerds are, they should count their blessings because think of all the dialogue that HASN’T been added to the Blu Ray:

  • “Frankly, Star Wars, I don’t give a damn.”
  • “I Have Had It With These Monkey-Fightin’ Ewoks On This Monday-To-Friday Tattooine.”
  • “You know what’s cooler than a million mars bucks? A billion mars bucks.”
  • “Needs more Tauntuanbell.”
  • “You know how I know you’re space gay?”
  • “Yoda. Yoda. She’s written 65 songs… 65. They’re all about you. They’re all about pain.”
  • “You had me at gleepgloopgleepglop.”

It is bad, but it could have been worse. Hush now, nerds. If you can’t fall sleep just lie on your cot and think about dinosaur bones you like.