This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

We already talked about the long-awaited trailer for Margaret yesterday, the follow-up to Kenneth Lonergan’s wonderful first movie, You Can Count on Me, which associate editor Kelly hates for some reason. (What’s the matter with you, Kelly? That movie is great!) So, it’s not going to get much more exciting than that, which was VERY EXCITING, I’m sure. And look, I’m not going to lie to you, it’s the beginning of September, Labor Day weekend, not exactly the time when movie studios wow us with their hottest coming attractions. This week’s kind of got some duds in it. But hey! Let’s talk about these old duds!

Wilde Salome

HOO-AH! The budget for Al Pacino’s head on this movie must have been tremendous. Look at that head on him! Also, this is fine and everything, but these myths about incredibly famous and successful people “doing too much” simply has to go. Whatever his role was in directing this, I bet you he got A LITTLE BIT OF HELP FROM SOME FRIENDS. You know what I mean? Something tells me it was NOT AS HARD OR AS TIME-CONSUMING AS HE IS MAKING IT OUT TO BE. But sure. Al Pacino, the hardest working man in all of the businesses, we got it.

The Double

Boo! This could have been such a good thriller. I love thrillers like this! But I have never seen a trailer that so blatantly and aggressively gives away the twist. And if you missed them giving away the twist, don’t worry, they give it away 10 more times before the end. What? And even if there is another double-reverse-twist that isn’t in the trailer it really doesn’t matter, there’s absolutely no way that it’s going to be satisfying. Oh well. Chalk it up. Put it to bed. Goodnight.

The Skin I Live In

Pedro Almodovar movie. Good. Next trailer.

Fireflies In The Garden

Huh. The Green Lantern 2 is NOT what I expected! (Good joke.) This looks mostly miserable, and I don’t mean that in a mean way, like, I think it’s supposed to look miserable, but I don’t know, I’m not in college anymore. That kind of thing just does not interest me as much as it used to. I get it: dads stink. No kidding. Let’s all write books about it and throw dinner plates against the wall, but after that let’s watch something GOOD.

Janie Jones

First of all, it is such a lazy trick to put an acoustic guitar in someone’s hand as a way to show they are a deep and emotional character. Also, have you ever seen someone with an acoustic guitar in their hand? It’s annoying. Get them away from me. But more importantly: movies about grown men developing strong emotional attachments to young girls CAH-REEP AH-ME OUT! It’s weird. What is that all about? Speak of what is that all about, wait until you see this next trailer:

Stay Cool

Gross. Gross! Look, this movie might be really well written and perfectly well put together and there is nothing particularly problematic about the cast: Chevy Chase can be super funny, Winona Ryder is too skinny and aging a little weirdly but is otherwise unobjectionable, Hilary Duff (?!) and that dude from Northfork and Twin Falls Idaho, which are not comedies, but are interesting. Oh, also Samwise Gamgee. (Jon Cryer and Josh Holloway cancel each other out.) But at the end of the day this is a romantic comedy about a middle-aged man having an inappropriate relationship with a high school student and DING DONG THAT IS DISGUSTING. (Also it was made in 2009 and is only getting released now but I’m sure that’s normal and not an indication of any deep-seated problems with the movie.)