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Will And Jada Smith NOT Getting Divorced “YET?!”

Yesterday, a mostly-unsubstantiated report about Will and Jada Pinkett Smith getting separated ROCKED OUR WHOLE WORLD. These guys know what I’m talking about. (“This is our Royal Family!” – those guys.) It was all Twitter could talk about yesterday morning, so you KNOW it’s a big deal, and even in the afternoon when Twitter was overtaken by Earthquake Talk, half of the jokes were about how the earthquake was caused by the Will and Jada news, so. The point is: WHOA and YIKES and OMG and IF THEY CAN’T MAKE THEIR PERFECT LOVE WORK IN THIS MIXED UP WORLD, HOW DO THE REST OF US EVEN STAND A CHANCE?! (See also: “when God closes a marriage he opens a divorce.”) Then, after the Earth literally stopped moving, Will Smith’s son from another marriage (did NOT see that one coming) posted a Tweet that his dad and Jada weren’t getting separated. Soon after, Will and Jada themselves released a statement that their marriage is “intact,” which is kind of a weird statement to release? Intact? But so, OK, PHEW. But noooooowwwwwwwww, TMZ is reporting that although they aren’t getting separated right now, their marriage IS in trouble, and separation is “still definitely a possibility,” according to their INSIDER, and it’s just like, OH GREAT WE ARE RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED. What are we even supposed to believe at this point about these two strangers’ that we’ve never met’s personal and private and mostly disingenuous-seeming marriage?! IS IT OR IS IT NOT FALLING APART?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

In completely unrelated news, I have donated to OXFAM twice this summer because I’m a really good person, and I highly recommend you look into it. They’re doing a lot of important stuff. Also, here’s a really good rumination on the ways in which David Foster Wallace’s style has influenced and possibly infected modern (particularly on-line) discourse and argumentation from last weekend’s Sunday New York Times Magazine. Oh, and this is a pretty good book about depression if you are depressed. And here is a picture of a kitten hugging ANOTHER KITTEN.