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The Jeff Bucklies: Reeve Carney And Penn Badgley Fictionally Catch Up Over Coffee

It was announced today that Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark star Reeve Carney has been cast in the official and currently untitled Jeff Buckley biopic. “Official” because Jeff Buckley’s mom is an executive producer and they have acquired the rights to his music, which seems important, unlike the “unofficial” Penn Badgley Jeff Buckley vehicle Greetings from Tim Buckley that was announced a few months ago. ALSO unlike the other unofficial Jeff Buckley biopic called A Pure Drop, directed by Brendan Fletcher, based on the book A Pure Drop: The Life of Jeff Buckley. ALSO unlike the other just kidding there are only three of them.

It must be hard for Reeve Carney and Penn Padgley to deal with playing the same role in competing biopics since they are life-long friends1 who have known each other2 since they were very young boys growing up in Hollywood3. To get a bit of insight into how this will effect their relationship, let’s check in on them getting together for coffee after not seeing each other for what seems like years, though it has only been one year and a half, in a true-to-life scene that is not based on reality in almost any way.

Reeve Carney: Hi, Penn! It’s nice to see you at our coffee spot in Brooklyn, NY. It’s been such a long time!

Penn Badgley: I KNOW! I hardly recognize you! Have you always had that haircut?

Reeve Carney: You know, I haven’t. This is a new haircut. Well, kind of new. It’s the same one I got last time I went to get my haircut, but I decided to do the same thing with it because I didn’t really feel like I was done with this style yet. So I just got a new haircut two weeks ago or so, but it’s the same one I got three months ago or whenever the last time one. But it is new to you, I haven’t seen you since I got this haircut the first time.

Penn Badgley: Well, it looks great.

Reeve Carney: Thank you! Your haircut looks great too.

Penn Badgley: Thanks, Reeve. I pretty much get the same one all the time. I don’t really think my hair can do much else, ha-ha. Anyway, so, what’s new with you? Other than the haircut of course!

Reeve Carney: Well, I’ve been in Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark.

Penn Badgley: Oh really? Hey, has anyone died recently?

Reeve Carney: No, no one has died.

Penn Badgley: Ah. I’m just trying to figure out whether I should go to it or not.

Reeve Carney: What are you up to these days?

Penn Badgley: Well, I’m on Gossip Girl. That’s going well.

Reeve Carney: Oh yeah! What channel is that show on again? I always forget.

Penn Badgley: It’s on the CW.

Reeve Carney: Huh. I don’t think I get that channel.

Penn Badgley: I think pretty much everyone gets it. You can probably just, like, scroll through your–

Reeve Carney: So, what else? Just Gossip Girl?

Penn Badgley: Well, no, actually. I’m glad you asked. I’m actually beginning filming on a movie in a few weeks. Right here in Brooklyn, I think.

Reeve Carney: Oh, that’s great. Finally, a movie for Penn Badgley!

Penn Badgley: Well, I’ve done movies before. But yeah, I think it should be a good one. I’m excited about it. I play a musician who died tragically, but it’s kind of a different approach to the story — it follows him throughout the days leading up to his performance at a tribute concert for his dad. It was kind of his breakout performance. His dad was also a musician.

Reeve Carney: Oh, that’s wild. You know, I’m also going to be starting on a movie shortly where I play a musician who died tragically.

Penn Badgley: Ha-ha, no way! Get out of town. That is nuts. Wouldn’t you know, the old boys getting together for some coffee, only to discover that they’re both going to be playing musicians who died tragically in movies that are both filming soon.

Reeve Carney: Yeah, but mine is mostly just about the musician’s life. I’m going to be doing a lot of singing in it.

Penn Badgley: Oh, I’m not sure if I’m going to be doing much singing in mine.

Reeve Carney: Yeah, do you sing at all?

Penn Badgley: I’m not sure.

Reeve Carney: Yeah, I sing a lot and I’m in a band. So it makes sense that I would be playing this particular musician. Also I look like him a lot.

Penn Badgley: Oh, yours is based on a real person?

Reeve Carney: Yeah, it’s a biopic.

Penn Badgley: Oh, weird! Mine too. Who are you playing?

Reeve Carney: I’m–

Penn Badgley: No, wait. Let me guess. Kurt Cobain.

Reeve Carney: Nope.

Penn Badgley: Jim Morrison.

Reeve Carney: Nope.

Penn Badgley: Ronnie Van Zant.

Reeve Carney: Nope.

Penn Badgley: Huh. I really thought it would be Ronnie Van Zant. What about…Oh, Notorious B.I.G?

Reeve Carney: Well, no.

Penn Badgley: Sid Vicious!

Reeve Carney: No.

Penn Badgley: Buddy Holly?

Reeve Carney: No.

Penn Badgley: You’re sure it’s not Kurt Cobain.

Reeve Carney: Yes.

Penn Badgley: Well, I guess just go ahead and tell me.

Reeve Carney: Jeff Buckley.

Penn Badgley: Ha-ha, good one.

Reeve Carney: What?

Penn Badgley: That’s funny. I thought you didn’t know I was going to be in a movie? Did you just look it up on your phone?

Reeve Carney: What? No. What are you talking about?

Penn Badgley: Wait, are you serious?

Reeve Carney: Yes. Why would I joke about playing Jeff Buckley in a biopic? That’s not a funny joke.

Penn Badgley: I’M GOING TO BE PLAYING JEFF BUCKLEY IN A BIOPIC.

Reeve Carney: Ugh, Penn. Good one. Are you even going to be in a movie? I thought that sounded a little suspicious. Was this entire conversation just a long, incredibly drawn out, boring joke that no one is even paying attention to anymore probably?

Penn Badgley: No! Again, why would anyone joke about that! THAT’S NOT A FUNNY JOKE. AND I HAVE BEEN IN A BUNCH OF MOVIES.

Reeve Carney: So we’re BOTH going to be playing Jeff Buckley in Jeff Buckley biopics that are going to be released at roughly the exact same time?

Penn Badgley: I guess it happens all the time. Like remember when Friends With Benefits and then Friends With Benefits came out at the same time basically?

Reeve Carney: I think they had different titles but I get what you’re saying. But still. Jeff Buckley? Is it the anniversary of his death or something?

Penn Badgley: I don’t think so? Though, I’m not sure. It could be some sort of anniversary.

Reeve Carney: Well, no, actually I just looked it up and it doesn’t seem like it’s for any anniversary.

Penn Badgley: Well what the fuck then?

Reeve Carney: I DON’T KNOW. Is Jeff Buckley’s mother the executive producer on yours too?

Penn Badgley: No. I don’t think any of his family is an executive producer on ours.

Reeve Carney: Hah. Huh. That’s weird. Yeah, his mom is an executive producer on ours. And we have the rights to his music. And we have the rights to Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.”

Penn Badgley: Oh.

Reeve Carney: I think it would be pretty hard to do a Jeff Buckley biopic without at least the rights to Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah,” don’t you think?

Penn Badgley: Yeah, I don’t know. I guess so. I’m sure it will be fine. I don’t think it matters for our time period.

Reeve Carney: And you said you’re not sure if you sing, right? How are you going to play a musician? You know I’m in a band and a musical, right?

Penn Badgley: I guess I know that.

Reeve Carney: Plus I look a lot like him.

Penn Badgley: I don’t know, I think I look like him a good amount.

Reeve Carney: Everyone’s entitled to their own perception of themselves, I guess.

Penn Badgley: [Silent]

Reeve Carney: I don’t mean that in a bad way.

Penn Badgley: [Silent]

Reeve Carney: Seriously. I’m sure yours will be fine.

Penn Badgley: [Silent]

Reeve Carney: Hellooooo, Penn? Is anybody in there?

Penn Badgley: [Silent]

Reeve Carney: [Silent]

Penn Badgley: [Silent]

Reeve Carney: [Silent]

Penn Badgley: [Silent]

Reeve Carney: [Silent]

Penn Badgley: [Silent]

Reeve Carney: [Silent]

Penn Badgley: [Silent]

Reeve Carney: [Silent]

Penn Badgley: [Silent]

Reeve Carney: [Silent]

Penn Badgley: [Silent]

1 I don’t know if this is true.

2 They may not know each other.
3 I’m almost sure that they didn’t grow up in Hollywood, though it’s possible that one or both of them did.