Breaking Bad S04E05: It’s Not My Fault You’re, Like, In Love With Me Or Something

We left off last week on a very tense note — Mike had taken Jesse from his home and was driving him God knows where, someplace to murder him probably because he was too much of a liability. In the car at the very end of the episode, Mike asked Jesse if he wanted to know where they were going and Jesse said “nope,” and it was absolutely the best. Remember? That was great. This week starts off equally as tense and intense, with Walt — after realizing, last episode, that Jesse had been taken –driving recklessly toward Los Pollos Hermanos to confront Gus. Very recklessly. The audio is ONLY screeching tires. Screeching tires + Walt screaming to Saul on his cell phone, telling him to make sure Skyler gets all of his money, which is also very scary because eek! He also calls Skyler and tells her that he loves her and the kids. Aww. All of this is scary. But you know what the actual scariest thing was in this scene? 


What the heck, Walt? You knew you were going to be driving very recklessly and talking on your cell phone. The absolute least you could’ve done is put on your seatbelt! Where’s your head at, dummy? Anyway, he makes it to Los Pollos alive, THANK GOD, and demands to see Gus. The lady behind the counter says he’s not there. Walt says he is. She says he’s not. Walt says he is. She says he’s not. Walt says he is. She says he is. Walt says he’s not. D’OH! Walt has to go home.

Just kidding. JK. Walt demands to see him and then says he’ll take a seat and wait for him. While he’s sitting he focuses on every person in the restaurant and they are all portrayed as potential threats, the way they do in comedies to build up tension before breaking it with something very silly. Except this time they didn’t break it with something very silly because this is a drama. They broke it with a phone call from Mike. “Walter, what exactly are you doing?” he asks. Uh, his partner is maybe going to get murdered and he is upset? Duh, Mike. Mike assures him that he has Jesse and that Jesse is fine and puts Walt on the phone with him. “Yo,” says Jesse. “Yeah, sup.” Ugh. Guys, I am more than a little tired with the times when they make Jesse say things like “yo” and “sup.” I don’t like that! I don’t think this Jesse would continue to say “yo” and “sup.” Someone please write a letter to AMC about it. That has got to stop. As Walt talks to Jesse on the phone, Jesse acts like a teenager who is very upset with his parents for being worried about him getting in with the wrong crowd, but who is only acting that upset because he is also actually a little bit worried. It is annoying. He tells him that he doesn’t know where he’s going (other than “north”) and that Mike doesn’t have a gun on him, before Walt just asks to speak with Mike again. “Put your mother on the phone,” basically. Mike explains that Jesse is with him for the day and Walt would have to go to the lab and get on with the cook by himself.

Walt ends the call and storms back to Gus’s office, followed by the lady from the counter telling him that he can’t go back there and, no, please, stop, don’t in the most half-hearted way. God, Gus. Hire a better counter lady, this one sucks. BUT, Gus isn’t there anyway.

Then we’re back in the car with Jesse and Mike. Jesse continues to act like a teenager. This is the conversation:

Jesse: Are you going to leave me in some ditch?
Mike: What do you care?
Jesse: I DON’T.

Hahah, ugh, Jesse. I love you. You are very full of post-murder angst. So, the car stops and Mike gets out silently and silently gets a shovel out of the back of the car and silently walks a few feet away and digs something up. It is very silent and full of tension. AMC Knows Tension™. The something, which was actually not buried very well at all, it wasn’t really buried even, just kind of covered in a thin layer of dirt, was a bag with money in it. He puts it and the shovel in the back of the car and tells Jesse to get back in. Oh yeah, Jesse had gotten out of the car at that point. “We have to do this six more times today with a lot of miles in between, I’d like to finish before dark,” says Mike. “HUH?” says us. Jesse gets to live, at least for six more money stops.

Then we check in with Hank, who is talking to his police friend about the Gale case. Hank says the only people he knows connected with meth are Badger and Jesse. The police friend asks if he thinks Jesse could have been the one to kill Gale — EEK! — and Hank says, “That would surprise me.” Yes! It surprised us too! I have a feeling that Hank would love Breaking Bad. He thanks the police friend for involving him with this case, but now that Heisenberg is dead (he thinks), he feels closure with it. Is Hank really bowing out of the case? Do we breathe a sigh of relief? Will this end happily for everyone??? I’m almost positive that it will!

Jesse and Mike are picking up money in lots of weird places. They’re pretty much geocaching together. “Boy, I love geocaching,” says Mike. “Ugh, I am SO BORED.” says Jesse. JK again, but Jesse will honestly not stop talking about how bored he is. Then he asks Mike for a gun, which is very cute and funny. “If I’m out here guarding the money in a guard-type capacity, that means I need like a gun, right?” Very good try! I think even Mike thinks it’s cute and funny.

But no, Mike tells him that he does not need a gun because it is also clear that Jesse is not there to be a guard. Then there is a funny montage of Jesse being bored:

Maybe this show IS a comedy. Jesse tells Mike that he finally gets what the plan is here, that Mike is trying to bore him to death. LOL. But Jesse actually really would now like to know why he is there with Mike. Mike admits that he would ALSO really like to know why Jesse was there with him, and that he was “just doing what [he’s] told.” Weird. Very weird!

Then we’re back with Walt and Skyler, signing papers to finalize their carwash deal. “Are you having second thoughts?” the lawyer or whatever guy asks Skyler. “Every hour of every day,” she responds. Aww. Skyler! That makes sense! Your life is so messed up! So they sign the papers, the guy leaves, and Skyler admits to Walt that she is feeling nervous and scared about buying the carwash. Because it’s a boring thing to buy and who cares about carwashes? It is unclear. Walt assures her that they’ll be fine and they decide to celebrate with a drink. “Something cheap,” ha-ha. Get it? From the other episode when Skyler got mad because he bought an expensive bottle of champagne? As they prepare their drinks, Skyler notices there’s a message on the machine. Uh oh. It is a tense moment again. As an audience, we have to assume that it is the message Walt left that morning on his way to see Gus. Is she going to think something’s fishy with it? Will she be upset? Will she notice that his voice was totally weird and that this was a very weird thing for him to do, so something must be weird about why he left it?


They do it! Yes! We knew they’d get back together and be in love forever with no problems anymore! It’s very sweet and nice, and they talk about sheets and haircuts and going to Marie’s for dinner tomorrow, until Walt Jr. gets home. Yikes! He realizes what is going on and is GROSSED OUT.

Skyler tells Walt that she thinks he should move back in, for lots of rational reasons — so what they’re doing buying the carwash together, etc. looks less suspicious, but also because they are in love.

Walt rants at him about how it’s a two man job, Jesse works the forklift, etc., and in the way that is just SO Breaking Bad, the new guy doesn’t say anything in response and just starts doing things. I wish someone would make a parody about this particular Breaking Bad thing. Walt ranting and looking like a maniac while the person he’s ranting at says nothing and just continues to do whatever it is they’re doing. It would be terrible because parodies are generally terrible, but also it would feel very satisfying. “I get it,” is what I’d think. Anyway, new guy picks up a drum with the forklift. “Where do you want it?” Haha, oops. Sorry Walt, OTHER people can work forklifts too.

Then, we’re back with Jesse and Mike on their last pickup. Jesse is waiting in the car, being bored, no duh, when he notices a guy walking up towards him with a shotgun. Mike left the keys in the ignition (ugh), so Jesse backs up into the guy’s car and speeds away while Mike is left there alone. Then we see Mike calling for a car outside of a restaurant. “Cancel that,” he says, as Jesse drives up next to him. He gets out of the driver’s seat for Mike while telling him, in an exasperated voice that is just only cute, I’m sorry, I can’t describe it any other way, what happened while he was picking up the money. “I saw,” says Mike. And then Mike lets him smoke a cigarette in his car.

This scene. I mean, I do like it. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have SUCH a problem with it. But I don’t understand why Jesse who, at the beginning of this day, was totally sure that he was being driven to his death, wouldn’t think even for a moment that maybe that guy with the shotgun was sent there from Mike and Gus to kill him. That makes no sense to me. That, when he picked Mike up, he wouldn’t say anything about, “Hey was that guy maybe sent by you to kill me?” Mike hadn’t really said anything to him that day. It’s not like they BONDED in the car and now Jesse trusted him. And it’s not even like, had they bonded, Mike killing him would be totally out of the question. Mike and Gus are always killing everybody. And it’s also not like Jesse would feel too intimidated to say something like that to Mike. He was saying stuff like that to Mike all day. SO WHAT’S THE DEAL?

Then Jesse is back at the lab. Walt comes in and asks where he was and WTF was going on. “I was out with Mike helping with pickups. Mike did the pickups and I guarded.” Ugh. Why is Jesse a Mean Girl all of the sudden? I know he’s always been pretty much a teenager who thought of himself as someone far beyond the fragile person he actually is, and that murdering Gale has not helped, but is he honestly not suspicious at all of his new friends and their intent? Does he honestly think he was there to GUARD MIKE? He tells Walt to get in gear because he has to leave soon to meet Mike, becuase “he has two jobs now.” As if Walt was one of his friends in grade school and then they got to high school and Jesse has fallen in with the cool, bad kid crowd and he doesn’t need Walt anymore but Walt still really cares about him and doesn’t want him to get hurt even though Jesse is acting like a total jerk. Ugh, Jesse.

Then we’re back at Los Pollos. Gus is taking out the trash. LOL. “Taking out the trash.” He gets into a car with Mike and tells him that he’ll reimburse him for the damage done to his vehicles. WHOOOAA, VEHICLES?! Mike tells him that he doesn’t really get what he’s doing but that he knows better to ask, and, “Anyway, just like you wanted, the kid’s a hero.” What! What is he scheming!? Is he working with CHUCK AND BLAIR on this one or something? I honestly have no idea what this could be about and I don’t want to, I don’t even want to think about it that hard because I want it to be a surprise. But I’m really keeping my fingers crossed for a Gossip Girl/Breaking Bad mashup.

Then, at dinner at Marie and Hank’s house, Walt Jr. brings up the Gale case. (After Walt drinks, like, ALL the wine. What a lush!) Hank goes on and on about how Gale was a genius, and how if he just put that big brain of his to something good, well, WHO KNOWS. Walt becomes increasingly frustrated with this. He’s not the genius! Walt’s the genius! So he tells Hank that, after looking at his lab notes, he can tell that Gale was not a genius. “There was no reasoning, no deductions … Rote copying of somebody else’s work.” “This genius of yours, maybe he’s still out there.” UH, WHAT? WALT? Walt! Speaking of people who AREN’T geniuses, hellloooooooooooooo. But honestly, what is going on here? He wants Hank to stay on the case? Because he wants to get caught? Because he doesn’t want to have to move in with his ex-wife again? And because he’s sick of all the drama? Is that what it is? Because if that’s NOT what it is, then I am very upset. I refuse to believe that he’s just so proud that he doesn’t want Gale to get the credit for being a genius when HE is the actual genius. I mean, I guess lots of things are crazy and unbelievable in this show and all shows. But that seems like a stretch. Who cares about who is the genius. Let’s just try not to get our families all thrown in jail together.

In the final scene of the episode, Hank is back to working on the Gale case. He seems to be in much better spirits than he has been. Marie asks if he wants coffee and he says YES! Great. As he looks at photos from the crime scene, he notices something. He explains to Marie that everything Gale bought and ate was organic, fair trade, vegan. And then Marie makes the best and funniest face:

Hahah. I know, right? Anyway, he notices that Gale had a Los Pollos napkin with a number written on it. “Since when do vegans eat fried chicken?” he asks. Very good question! Very “aahh eeeeek!” question! Very smart evidence to include! Very good television show!

And then it was the end. The End.