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This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

This is only tangentially related insofar as it is about movies, but have you guys seen Mike Mills’s Beginners yet? Oh man, it is really good, you should really see it. It’s gentle and funny and genuinely touching and just great all around. I saw it last weekend and I was going to write a review of it for the site, but then I realized it was already almost a month old and somehow that seemed against BLOG RULES. I don’t know, you either have to write about things when they are brand new or very old. Them’s the blog rules. But, so, my review is: go see Beginners, it is so great. And now, movie trailers for other movies that NO ONE has seen yet:

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Yessssss! A spy movie that is pre-technology is so smart. Everything these days is all “I hacked into his iPad” this and “ENHANCE!” that. What about when spies were just really good at straight up SPYING on people?! Also, this cast? This cast is nuts. Benedict Cumberbatch! (Admittedly, I kind of wish this was just a trailer for more episodes of the BBC’s Sherlock, but what are you going to do? I will tell you what you are going to do, you are going to go see Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy while you wait!)

Brave

New Pixar movie. Everyone’s obviously on board. The end.

Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol

This looks very fun! I didn’t really like the first two Mission: Impossible movies. I thought they were dumb, but also just kind of unimpressive. Like, the CGI was shitty or something? I’m not sure what was up. But I liked the last one. Philip Seymour Hoffman should be a villain in all the movies. And this one looks good too. So much punching and jumping, and I like how Tom Cruise is always getting exploded off his feet by a missile. It’s a little weird how the trailer is going pretty strong and then they break the momentum with some more dialog. Oh, and in case you guys were worried that there wouldn’t be any tall buildings in this one, what if we told you there would be the TALLEST building?! Haha. OK!

The Three Musketeers

Ugh, who even knows. This could be fun? Sword fights are fun? But those blimps are fucking annoying. Alexandre Dumas is actually a really good writer. If you haven’t read it already, might I recommend The Count of Monte Cristo? It is easily the best page-turner I have ever read and it’s 100 years old! I would rather read that again than see this movie. Also, what’s up with D’Artagnan’s voice? He sounds like he’s auditioning for a Dorito’s Cool Ranch web commercial. I hate it!

War Horse

This looks very epic and dramatic, I’m sure, but you have no idea how much I kept wishing during this whole trailer that the horse would start talking. “Oh geez! War stinks!” Hahahha. “FOLLOW ME IF YOU WANT TO [BRAY] LIVE!” And more jokes like that.