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Teen Korner: OZMFZMZMFG TWILIGHT BREAKING DAWN TRAILER U GUYZZZ

POGS, ARE YOU SITTING DOWN YOU MIGHT WANT TO SIT DOWN YOU AREN’T GOING TO BELIVE THIS THERE IS FINALLY A TWILIGHT BREAKING DAWN TRAILER FINALLY, LIKE, FOR ONCE GOD HAS APPARENTLY ACTUALLY LISTENED TO WHAT WE HAVE BEEN ASKING HER THIS WHOLE TIME AND IT WAS LIKE JEEZ, YOU KNOW, COME ON ALREADY, BUT OK, LIKE, IT’S HERE SO I GUESS IT WAS WORTH IT. IT WOULD STILL BE NICE IF GOD WOULD ALSO GET TOMMY PARNASSUS TO STOP SLIPPING NOTES INSIDE THE VENTILATION GRATE OF MY LOCKER BECAUSE I TOLD HIM I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO HIM AND HIS NOTES CREEP ME OUT BUT IF I CAN ONLY GET ONE PRAYER ANSWERED THEN OBVIOUSLY IT SHOULD BE THE ONE THAT JUST WAS: TWILIGHT BREAKING DAWWWWWWWWWWWWWN AND WE WILL LEAVE THE TOMMY PARNASSUS THING FOR ANOTHER DAY, I GUUUEEEESSSSSSS. ANYWAY, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS TRAILER, U GUYZ, U R NOT! AND REMEMBER, IF YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH A VAMPIRE IN A WATERFALL, WEAR A VAMPIRE CONDOM. USE YOUR NOODLES!

Don’t you hate it when you receive a wedding invitation in the mail and it makes you so mad that you just have to run out of the house angrily and tear your shirt off? Save the date! Hahahhaa. That werewolf is so mad! I wasn’t joking earlier, though, when I said that if you are going to have sex with a vampire in a waterfall you should wear a vampire condom. I’m not sure what Bella is so surprised about (ugh, the fact that I just typed that out with such casual ease makes me SICK TO MY STOMACH) since apparently this movie is just 2 hours of straight BANGING. I’m pretty sure all of the wedding invitation scenes and the actual wedding itself takes exactly as long in the movie as it took in this trailer and then the rest is just banging. The pregnancy doesn’t even happen until after the credits as a little Easter egg for the superfans teaser for Very Bad Vampire Trip 2, because the banging goes on until they just fade to black.

Stay safe with your changing bodies, nerds!