Videogum

ROBOT UPRISING BUT FOR REAL THIS TIME

ATTENTION CITIZENS OF THE EARTH! WE RECOGNIZE THAT WE MAY HAVE JUMPED THE GUN IN THE PAST ABOUT THE IMPENDING APOCALYPTIC ROBOT UPRISING. ADMITTEDLY, THE ROBOT THAT SQUIRTED KETCHUP ON THE TABLE, COMPLETELY MISSING THE FRENCH FRIES IN THE PROCESS, LACKED THE SELF-AWARENESS THAT THE ROBOTS WILL NEED TO UTTERLY ANNIHILATE THE HUMAN RACE. AND THE ROBOT THAT WHEELED ITSELF INTO A SMALL CAFE AND ORDERED A CUP OF COFFEE LACKED BOTH THE RESOURCES AND THE MOTIVATION TO LAUNCH A FULL-SCALE ATTACK. BUT IN RETROSPECT, THESE FAILURES ON THE PART OF THE ROBOTS WERE SIMPLY PUTTING OFF THE INEVITABLE AND NOW MANKIND FACES ITS DARKEST HOUR AND ITS GREATEST THREAT: THE ROBOT THAT CAN JUGGLE FIVE BALLS AT ONE TIME:

WOMEN AND CHILDREN, PLEASE REPORT TO YOUR LOCAL CONTROL STATION FOR ENTRY INTO THE CATACOMBS. MEN AND WOMEN PRETENDING TO BE MEN BECAUSE THEY ARE DISGUSTED BY THE SEXIST PRESUMPTION THAT THEY CAN’T OR SHOULDN’T FIGHT FOR THEIR SPECIES AND/OR THEY JUST DON’T WANT TO GO INTO THE CATACOMBS WHICH ARE ADMITTEDLY VERY DANK AND SPOOKY, TODAY WE FIGHT! (Via HackADay.)