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Sylvester Stallone To Design Menswear, Obviously

Sylvester Stallone is actually really interesting, you guys. Or, at least, he used to be interesting. Like, did you know that he was nominated for an Oscar for WRITING the original Rocky movie? Ding Dong! And for as much as it has come to encapsulate the brainless violence of 1980s action cinema, or whatever, First Blood (the original title of Rambo before it became a franchise) has a lot to say about the ravages of war and it ends with Sylvester Stallone crying. Anyway, now his blood runs 80% human-growth hormone and he’s going to make formal sweatpants without taking his sunglasses off. From the Guardian:

This autumn, Academy Award winner Sly Stallone faces his greatest challenge yet: the film legend is launching his very own clothing line. Stallone’s menswear will be based on his two most iconic characters, Rambo and Rocky, and will feature – in the words of the designer – “looks for the rebel and the gentleman”.

Haha. Uh, Sylvester Stallone is NEITHER a rebel NOR a gentleman? Like, even his public persona doesn’t actually seem to represent either of those things? Unless by “rebel” you mean “being detained by the Australian government for illegally transporting GhB”? And by gentleman you mean that he has never, to our knowledge, eaten the flesh of a human being. That kind of misguided branding is like saying that the Charlie Sheen collection (real thing!) is “looks for the healthy and the feminist.” That being said, I am sure that Sylvester Stallone’s patented Face-Holding-Up-Straps, for “the gentleman whose face is sliding off,” are going to be top of the line. Also check out the bridal tank tops.