The Three Musketeers Trailer, You Guys

“You have my sword.”
“And my sword.”
“And my sword!”

Oh brother. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good sword fight (no homo) as much as the next guy (no homo), but does this really need to be in 3D? And does Orlando Bloom’s face really need to look like that? (No homo?) Also, I’ve actually read The Three Musketeers and I don’t remember them ever having to fight Shredder OR flying dragon boats? Whatever. Kidz theze dayz. On a more positive note: the original The Three Musketeers, of course, was written by Alexandre Dumas, who also wrote The Count of Monte Cristo, which is one of the BEST BOOKS OF ALL TIME! I’m not joking. It’s so great. It’s a million pages long and a thousand years old and yet it is so riveting and exciting from beginning to end. It is a real page-turner! (Although, they didn’t call things page-turners back then, they called them the bubonic plague.) If you are looking for a very fun book to read on the beach this summer, might I recommend that one? I just did! This guy knows what I’m talking about.