Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

Since today has included some mildly solipsistic navel-gazing self-reflection, let’s get a little bit more of it out of the way (and where better than our weekly Mildly Solipsistic Navel-Gazing Self-Reflective Recurring Feature?). If you are not already, how about following Videogum on Tumblr? Could be fun! Also: you will notice in the right sidebar that we have added some Facebook nonsense. Whatever, that is just the way the blog world turns, don’t spend too much time worrying about it. BUT: I will say this to you guys, Videogum, like all websites, must grow. That is just how these things work, and we are all adults here and can face that fact head on. So, how do we make Videogum bigger without resorting to daily photo galleries of Khloe Kardashian and still maintaining all the things that we like about it, namely the wonderful community? Neither you nor I want the comments section overrun with creeps. GET OUT OF HERE, CREEPS! Creeps have the run of the entire Internet, they do not need the run of this as well. So, what is the answer? (You can say that the answer is to leave everything the same and not even think about this stuff, but let’s pretend for the moment that that is not an option, because for reasons that I don’t need to go into, that’s kind of not an option. And I’m not saying that in an overly-dramatic or threatening way, because there is no drama or threats in this, I’m just saying it is time we all be realistic. Let’s grow up, as a family.) THE ANSWER IS YOU, MAYBE! All I’m proposing is that everyone work a little harder to help get the word out about Videogum. I do hate making this request. It seems belittling somehow. But also: you guys are great. So how about instead of trying to grow Videogum by opening the gates to the Goon Squad, how about we just get a lot more people like you? They have to be out there, and you probably know them. So: please start (or if you have already been doing this, continue) to tell your friends about Videogum. Maybe even USE the new Facebook thing in the sidebar, I don’t know. The point is: STREET TEAM ASSEMBLE! You get it. In reality, as embarrassing as this may be to talk about, it’s not actually asking for that much. It’s like an NPR Fund Drive, except instead of money, all I am asking is for you to donate your enthusiasm. And instead of a tote bag, all you get is jokes about tote bags. OK. The end. I’m sorry for everything, all of it, everywhere, always.

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of this week’s Tanner Family Reunion Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice:

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 Lesley | Nov 15th Score:86

When I was 15, I both cried at this movie and took my boyfriend to it to make out during it MULTIPLE TIMES. We also made out to Double Jeopardy, starring Ashley Judd. “You can’t be tried for the same crime twice!” After we broke up, I cried at Double Jeopardy too.

Posted in: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: American Beauty
#3 Mans | Nov 16th Score:90

SKYNET’s first efforts were simple, but effective.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Dude Gets Ponytail Caught In Weight Machine
#2 Funtastik | Nov 17th Score:97

I like to imagine that somewhere, in an alternate universe, there is a show called “Firing Guns with the Stars” and there is a man so upset that he dances for 15 hours with the cops.

Posted in: Headline Of The Day: “Man Shoots TV Over Bristol Palin Dancing”
#1 The Fondest | Nov 15th Score:99

One thing about this movie that always bothered me is near the end when he and Mena Suvari are about to do it (go to jail) and she says she’s a virgin. And then for him it’s like, WOAH, HOLD THE PHONE, CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A HO FO SHO. Like sort of implying SINCE YOU ARE A VIRGIN YOU SHOULD WAIT FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL, BUT IF YOU WEREN’T, I WOULD’VE TAKEN THAT ASS TO RAPETOWN and we’re supposed to find this TOUCHING?! Touching in a very wrong and creepy place, if that’s what you mean.

It like tries to be this modern-day Lolita, but Alan Ball’s screenplay ignores Nabokov’s hatred of Humbert Humbert. He may have been a protagonist, but both author and audience knew he was kind of a piece of shit.

Posted in: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: American Beauty

[Ed. note: People got pretty mad about the American Beauty post, so let me just take this opportunity to apologize to all of the 15-year-olds whose minds I blew BACK into their heads. And to everyone else let me take this opportunity to say: good week! Like I said before, we did it, we definitely made it for sure.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

wowee zowee | Nov 18th Score:-28
“Look Like This” = weak sauce
for real though, lets petition to move this to lamegum
Posted in: Look Like This!: Harry Potter

[Ed. note: For real though, let’s petition you to SHUT UP.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

[Ed. note: Congratulations, Polythene Pam. You earned it!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

Brosworth | Nov 18th Score:9

Just to clarify, I’m an atheist, and I think the whole thing with the kid and his parents using his drug-addled hallucinations, lies, or whatever bullshit his parents decided to feed him is disgusting, and the way it was “reported” equally as disgusting.

But writing in detail about anyone hanging him/herself I think crosses the line, even if that is secretly what some of us might desire. And then the diatribe in the epilogue, while in line with what I believe, is insensitive to what some otherwise perfectly rational and fine people (some of whom might actually download this blog) believe. While we might disagree with them, callously putting down their beliefs like that is the kind of thing that gives atheists in general a bad name. I think we’re better than that.

Basically what I’m saying is you might want to pull out that reset button again, Gabe.

Posted in: You Can Make It Up: Gretchen Carlson Goes To Heaven

[Ed. note: Previously.]