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Gwyneth Performs “Country Strong” On The 2010 CMA Awards

Last night, Gwyneth Paltrow made her country singing debut “LIVE” at the 2010 CMA Awards with a performance of the lead single off the soundtrack to her new movie of the same name: “Country Strong.” Although the dip canisters have all been swept up and the lights turned off and the doors locked on the ceremony’s venue, still no one has bothered to explain WHY, exactly she was making her country singing debut “LIVE” at the 2010 CMA Awards, or even more importantly, WHO might WANT that. America waits for these important and pressing answers. We know, of course, why Gwyneth wanted to do this: it’s a free advertisement for her movie, directly to the audience that might actually be interested in watching it. We’ve all got to put lorries on our families. Just because Gwyneth named her son (daughter? I honestly have no idea) Apple doesn’t mean Apple don’t got to eat. Grass fed fish and organic chips are expensive! Besides, the bobbies all say ee’z got to get his weight up. Oy, ee only weighs 4 stone! And then, of course, you have to pay the servants to clean the unvarnished “farmer’s” table that comfortably seats 30. So fair enough. And nothing says “go see my movie” like a sphincter-tight face, the full-body physical incarnation of flop sweat, and FAKE AS HELL guitar playing, right?

Right!:

If no one will tell me who in America actually wants this, will someone at least tell me why she insisted on pretending to play the guitar? There are 19 other guitars on stage and she’s strumming it the way Mr. Noblet adds things on a calculator. Enough! It’s almost as if she’s so much of a liar that she needs new ways in which to lie (fake guitars) at the same time that she continues to lie using her old methods (head). Oh well. Final question: “debut” doesn’t ACTUALLY mean there’s going to be more of this, right? (Via Dlisted.)