Ernest Hemingway’s Garden Of Eden Trailer, You Guys

This looks terrible! (As if there is some other kind of reaction to a Mean Suvari vehicle, no offense to Mena Suvari, but come on, Mena Suvari.) It’s like Rochelle, Rochelle minus the Minsk. My favorite part, though, is taking how much they reference that this is based on a masterpiece by Ernest Hemingway, and then trying to AltaVista Babelfish what I’m seeing back into literature.

The woman applies Manic Panic to her hair and insists that the man do the same. He agrees. Out on the veranda, they sip espressos and admire the Italian tourists. Oh wait, a martini. The woman walks into the ocean wearing a bathing suit that revealed her butt cheeks. Check out her butt cheeks! She’s walking into the water now. Now her butt cheeks are in the water. The brunch is too sexy. Dramatic music swells. You guys want to have a fucking threesome or whut?

Just classic Hemingway come to life. This movie should put a shotgun in its mouth! (In other news: the statute of limitations on “too soon” is 41 years.)