The Unfortunate Return Of The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time

We all make mistakes. Some of us more than others. In fact, some of us seem to make nothing BUT mistakes. And so, here we are, at the precipice of an enormous crossroads, our clammy hands shoved deeply into our pockets, staring out over the vast wasteland stretching endlessly before us and knowing that there is nothing to do but cross it, no matter how long it takes, no matter that it wears our feet off of our ankles and we are now just hobbling on raw bloody stumps, falling again and again onto our FACES. Yes, the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time returns! Oh man, how nice was it to take a break from the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time? The nicest. When I am on my deathbed (soon!), I will look back on this brief respite as the one time in my life when I knew peace. And then I will go to heaven and this nightmare will be over. But for now: NO PEACE AT ALL!

For the next round of movies, I will be choosing exclusively from the thread on this post. People have sent in plenty of email suggestions, which is great (is it, though?), but for the time being, let’s keep it streamlined and simple. If you have a nominee, put it here. As always, ANYTHING can be nominated. That’s the whole point, you guys. Nominate Chinatown if you want. Chinatown is an incredible movie, and as we know, incredible movies are the most dangerous game of all. Actually, don’t nominate Chinatown, because that was just an example chosen to illustrate a point, and I’m not going to do Chinatown, so don’t waste everyone’s time. But you get the point. People are always complaining that a movie they like got nominated as if somehow their personal taste in movies had anything to do with anything anyway, much less anything to do with this, and to those people I say PAY ATTENTION!

And since it’s been awhile, let’s review the Official Rules:

    • It cannot be intentionally horrible.
    • It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (No “outsider art.”)
    • It cannot be Glitter. (Or Crossroads.)
    • It has to have had a theatrical release.
    • It must be available on Netflix.
    • No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
    • No musicals.
    • No Robin Williams movies (Note: In a lead role. Supporting roles will be considered on a case by case basis)
    • Only one Nicolas Cage movie per “round.”
    • No children’s movies.
    • Gabe is the boss.

Next week: official nominees for the next round of the Hunt for Worst Movie of All Time announced!
Two weeks: memorial services for Gabe!