Tonight is the premiere of Jersey Shore, season 2. All our old pals! Snacko and DJ Paul and Eddie. This season, of course, the gang goes down to Miami Beach. Neat! Is the show called Miami Shore now? No! It’s weird how this show out of all the shows doesn’t operate according to strict rules of logic and contextual reliability. You would think that would be really important to the producers, and REALLY important to the cast. So, here we are. How excited are you?
“Kind of excited, I guess, I’ll watch it? I don’t know, it’s weird!”
I already mentioned this earlier this week, but I really don’t see this show extending far beyond this season. Oh, we will watch this season (DON’T DOUBT IT) but how many years do we want to spend with these creeps? (And let’s be honest: they are creeps. Wonderful, ignorant, half-blind with self-obsession, gumball-mouthed, lovable CREEPS.) 10 years? 1,000 years? If there is one thing that television audiences appreciate, it is novelty, and if there is one group of people who have neither the intellectual capacity nor the discernible skills to do anything other than what we have already seen them do repeatedly (hit on girls, poison hot tubs) it is these goofballs. It’s true that you never know what they’re going to say next, but what they are going to say next definitely follows some pretty recognizable patterns. ANYHOW: tonight! Let’s get wasted responsibly! (This game can and should also be played with juice, which is delicious.)
- Someone pumps their fist at the ceiling, the floor, or another human being’s face.
- Someone says something about themselves that differentiates wildly from the reality of them.
- A hot tub is just ruined.
- Subtitles are used because it would be impossible for Americans to understand what is being said.
- A bottle of hairspray is filmed.
- A bottle of hair gel is filmed.
- An article of clothing is removed when an article of clothing could have just as easily remained on.
- An article of clothing is worn by an adult that looks like an article of clothing intended for a child or a piece of fabric intended to clean up a small household mess.
- An otherwise normal looking meal is served with an energy drink or protein shake.
- Someone expresses an “emotion” (either in an argument, or a ruined hot tub) but you can’t for the life of you tell what that emotion is.
- Someone (non-cast) who believes that the world is made out of logic and rules has an encounter with someone who doesn’t know what either of those things are.
- Pride is expressed about something that many people might find to be a source of shame.
Good luck! Don’t play!