I Am Worried About Your Boyfriend, RAED

It is important to have hobbies, you guys. It keeps one feeling youthful and alert, and provides a purpose in this world of absurdity and futility. Some people collect stamps. Others collect coins. Some people collect stamps AND coins. And some people record incredibly painful rap songs and make music videos for them that look like they were cut together by someone pursuing a night school degree in computer animation & film editing from a technical college that closed down 18 years ago. “Why, that’s impossible! That school has been dead for years!” None of these hobbies are any better than any other (with the exception of collecting Beanie Babies. That is by all measurements a “lesser” hobby). But they are hobbies, nothing more.

Of course, with all of the time, money, and emotional investment put into hobbies, it’s easy for the amateur hobbyist to be overcome with grandiose dreams of turning that hobby into an actual career. Who hasn’t been to a dinner party where they’ve been sat next to someone with wild tales of becoming a Pro Coin Collector? No one hasn’t been. But I’m getting kind of worried about your boyfriend, RAED. Like, he knows this isn’t for real, right? He knows this is never going to be for real, right? He knows we are laughing at him and testing each other to see how long we can stand to watch his newest video before turning it off and plugging our ears with Fauster’s (Australian for “Sharp Sticks”)? Right?

Because if he doesn’t know, you’re going to have to be the one to tell him. That’s what being in love means.