That’s Your Girlfriend: Tyra Banks

“First and foremost, I want someone who will not ever, ever challenge me intellectually. Preferably, I’d like them to be subliterate and to speak in mono-syllables. But when that’s not possible, if they do insist on speaking in complete sentences, those sentences should be complete and utter nonsense. I don’t want someone who is clever, but I don’t mind if they think they’re clever. Like, for example, it would be great if they were terrible at acting but you could see on their face that they thought they were just nailing it? I’d definitely like to be with a stupid person who did that also. But what I am most interested in is a woman who has her own garbage talk show that is literally a waste of time, money, human effort, and the carbon-based energy it uses to create, and I want that woman to spend an entire episode of this miserable program to pretend for no discernible reason to have rabies. If she could somehow include the being an idiot and also thinking she was really talented and clever and interesting WHILE doing the weird, nonsensical rabies thing on her fucking bullshit awful disaster of a talk show, then I would know that I had found my soul mate.”
— You

“Perfect. I sure hope 1-800-Wedding-Rings does overnight delivery!”
— You Again

(Via Crushable.)