Videogum

This Is Definitely A Two-Handed Great Sword

After the jump, I have posted an incredible, nine-minute-long video that I guess is some kind of infomercial for a “two-handed great sword” in which a group of chubby middle-aged white dudes, many of whom sport mustaches, take turns hacking at pieces of meat in a makeshift cardboard dungeon while public domain “hard rock” plays in the background. I just want you to know what you are about to watch! I would hate for you to click through and think that it was going to be an incredible, nine-minute long infomercial for a ONE-HANDED DAGGER in which a group of chubby middle-aged white dudes, many of whom sport mustaches, take turns hacking at pieces of meat in a makeshift cardboard dungeon while public domain “hard rock” plays in the background. Although, to be fair, that mistake would kind of be on you because you can’t even cut a pig’s face in half with a one-handed dagger. You’re being ridiculous.

See? I told you!

My favorite part of this is EVERY PART OF THIS, but my other favorite part is when they cut the toes off the cowboy boots and they have clearly STUFFED MEAT INTO THE COWBOY BOOTS. This is definitely THE SWORD to buy if you are a big fat middle-aged nerd with a moustache who has a ton of pig parts they need to sloppily hack into stupid pieces. (Thanks for the tip, Chris.)