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Going Down The Stephen Baldwin Rabbit Hole

In light of this morning’s Stephen Baldwin Charity Mission news, a tipster (thanks, Sam!) sent in this INSANE fun fact from the Official Stephen Baldwin Wikipedia Page:

Baldwin has a tattoo on his left shoulder of the initials “HM” for Hannah Montana. He got the tattoo after making a pact with Miley Cyrus that he would be allowed to cameo on the show if he had the initials tattooed on him. He revealed the tattoo to Cyrus at a book signing in Nashville, on November 10, 2008.[17] To date he has never appeared on the show. He has since gone on record as saying that he regrets getting the tattoo[18]

I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE BLUE PILL! The blue pill is the one that makes you not hear the saddest thing you’ve ever heard, right?

I know that the readers of this site are 12-year-old girls, and as such this is the oldest news ever, and they are like, “Get out of my room, Grandpa, you smell like a death sandwich,” but actually it’s the “to date” addendum that really hurts. “Hi Miley, this is Stephen. Just wanted to follow up with you about the whole tattoo of your initials that I got thing. I would still definitely love to be on the show that I’m not even sure is still on the air. Just, uh, you know, give me a call one of these days. It feels kind of weird to have been hoodwinked and lied to by a child, but I’m sure it was just a mix up and that you definitely want me on your show, so let’s make it happen!” You kids don’t understand anything about the ravages of time.

And for anyone who has not heard this story at all before, I’M SORRY THAT YOU KNOW THE DEPTHS OF HUMAN DESPAIR NOW IN A WAY YOU NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE. Literally my bad. Well, my and tipster Sam’s bad. Shame on you, Sam.