The Mannequin Remake Will Obviously Make No Sense

Moviehole is reporting that Hollywood is planning on remaking the 1987 comedy Mannequin. Which is not surprising. Everything will eventually be remade, that is just the way the world is now (Glitter 2.0, starring Noah Cyrus, 2023). But this remake is particularly hilarious to me. Mannequin, of course, is about a man who falls in love with a store mannequin who only comes to life when he is around, Calvin and Hobbes-style. Also, he is an artist who becomes a “the best window-dresser in town“, and the mannequin is actually a cursed woman from ancient Egypt? Wait, what? It turns out that Mannequin is a little more complicated than I remember! At least based on the Wikipedia plot description. Eventually, the mannequin is stolen by a competing department store (you are a THIEF, Good Burger plot!) and Andrew McCarthy has to “fight through security and machines” (haha, what?) to get her back. Sure. It’s the classic narrative conflict of Man Vs. Security And Machines Because Of Magic Love Mannequins.

The thing is, though, when they inevitably try to update Mannequin for the Next Generation, the mannequin is obviously going to be, like, a Facebook Gift, or an Etsy Store, right? Do kids these days even know what mannequins are? “You mean the smiley face on the side of boxes?” Oh man, I would pay REGULAR ADMISSION to see a movie about an “artist” (Taylor Lautner) who falls in love with the smiley face on the side of an box (voiced by Selena Gomez). I am terrible when it comes to knowing what is a reasonable thing to spend my money on! (Thanks for the tip, Jared.)