Predictions For Lost: The College Years

Whoa. Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof, show-runners (read: millionaires) of Lost, have publicly stated that the sixth season (premiering Feb. 2, write it down) will be the final season. So what is all this S about? From an interview with the Hollywood Reporter (via iO9):

Cuse: The Walt Disney Co. owns “Lost.” It’s a franchise that’s conservatively worth billions of dollars. It’s hard to imagine “Lost” will rest on the shelves and nothing will ever be made with “Lost.” Eventually somebody will make something under the moniker of “Lost” — whether we do it or not. We just made a commitment to this group of characters whose stories are coming to a conclusion this May.

Lindelof: Somebody made a sequel to “Gone With the Wind.” Sometimes the franchise transcends the storyteller. The definitive edition of “Lost” ends this May on ABC, and that is the story that we have to tell. It has a beginning, middle and end. That ending will not have cliffhangers, or be set up in such a way that people will be saying, “Clearly they’re going to make more of these.” We don’t have any connection to another TV series or movie, but there’s a new “A-Team” movie coming out, for god’s sake. This is a business that thrives on known commodities. “Tron” is the most buzzed-about Disney movie for next year, and it has been gathering dust for 20 years. I cannot imagine there will not be something with “Lost” on it involving smoke monsters and polar bears and time travel.

Whuuuuuut?! More Lost?! But based on Gone with the Wind? That’s what he’s saying, right? So it’s going to be tedious, overtly racist, and no one is going to understand what the big deal was? Got it.

And some more predictions for Lost: The Next Generation:

  • Robin Williams will open a luxury vacation resort on the Island, and every room will come with color TIME TRAVEL.
  • Unruly teenagers will be sent to the island with explosive collars around their necks and be forced to fight to the death but also TIME TRAVEL.
  • Lost Babies
  • Walt and Vincent will grow up to be the next generation of Charles Widmores and Ben Linuses, fighting for control of the Island’s future. But then Vincent will be called away by the Space Program.
  • Bugs Bunny and Michael Jordan will hold an Intergalactic basketball competition on the Island.
  • Time Hobbits?

Oh man, you guys, I can’t wait until Hollywood RUINS Lost. This guy knows what I’m talking about:

Listen to me, Donny Wahlberg, we aren’t supposed to be here! We have to go back to th–[tidal wave]