The Sex And The City 2 Poster Is A Piece Of Crap

Look, I know that it’s almost Y2K10, so it’s a little late to start speaking truth to Big Sex and the City (or is the expression speaking truth to Mr. Big Sex and the Ci–[gunshot]). That ship has sailed. I’m pretty sure the last anti-Sex and the City rant that anyone cared about or that had anything new to say was posted on an angelfire site.

“Don’t you guys think that Sex and the City is mildly offensive trash?”
–Jukt Micronics Mission Statement

Nevertheless. Ladies. C’mon sons.

For one thing, what is that tagline? That tagline clearly went to the Sherlock Holmes School of Taglines. Not only is it lazy and cheap, it doesn’t even make any sense. Tim Gunn, I guess? Are all of the clothes in this episode* going to be made by emotionally unhinged would-be reality show stars of varying levels of technical proficiency but equal talents for making fools of themselves? Queer Eye for the Zing Guy!

But in addition to the tagline there is EVERYTHING ELSE.

Am I really supposed to believe that Carrie Bradshaw is a runway model or something? Sarah Jessica Parker is 73 years old! Sure, she wears fancy clothes, but it’s not for a photo shoot. It’s to accompany her rich husband to a 5:30PM dinner at La Grenouille with the rest of the Upper East Side senior citizens trying to spend their money as quickly as they can before they die and the children they’ve spent a lifetime trying to neglect get their filthy worthless claws on it. GLAMOUROUS!

Unless…just maybe…the reason that New York City is blown out in a wash of white light is that this movie is actually about someone successfully detonating a nuclear device in Manhattan. I would pay good money to see Sarah Jessica Parker pushing a shopping cart through the ash covered wastes as she hid from roving gangs of cannibals, even if she was wearing that ridiculous outfit while she did so. Maybe especially if she was wearing that ridiculous outfit.

*Haha. I typed “episode” by accident, but it’s pretty accurate. I’m not fixing it until they fix their movie (fix = put to sleep, right? #dogwords).