Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

We may never know what really happened to Tiger Woods. (Is that even true? I have actually not been paying attention to that story at all. Is it even a mystery, or do we already know exactly what happened? You know what? Don’t tell me. It’s more fun this way. National Treasure 3.) And although the President of France used his Presidenting skills to get Switzerland to let Roman Polanski leave jail for his multi-million dollar Ski Palace, the debate still rages over whether he raped or rape-raped a 13-year-old girl (everyone seems to agree that he gave her quaaludes, so that case is CLOSED!). My point is that we live in an era of uncertainty. But one thing is quantifiable, and that is how much you liked or disliked comments on this website!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of this week’s Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments


I’ve been working on exploding my t-shirts off my body, and I only have 2 left now. My mom won’t buy me new ones because she says I’m being a jackass and werewolves don’t even exist. MLIT (and FML! I h8 my mom!!!)

Posted by: Captain Boring of the S.S. Shut Up in response to Videogum’s Teen Korner: My Life Is Twilight
Score = 68


Geez, you NYC monsters are late to the game on this one! Here in Portland, we* have Videogum Pizza** Parties*** every night! It’s so much fun**** to get to know your fellow monsters*****, and talk about some of your favorite Videogum posts******!


**beer & whiskey

***pretty much just me slowly drinking myself to death

****not fun

*****inner turmoil

******drunkenly spit out a comment at 2am and never hit submit because you can’t remember what you wrote and your eyes won’t focus so you can read it

Posted by: That One in response to You Guys, Let’s Have A Videogum Video Pizza Party For Real!
Score = 68


Dialog we can anticipate:

“Captain, the tumor? It turns out it was B9.”

“I’m grateful you told me B4 I called my wife!”

“The aliens are using C4!”

“You’ve revealed the secrete plans, Jenkins?? A2, Jenkins?!?”

“Don’t try 2B a hero, Smith. Just B1.”

Posted by: werttrew in response to Look Out, Monopoly: The Movie, Battleship: The Movie Is The New Crazy!
Score = 83


it takes a real lapse in judgment to write, on the internet, I’VE RUBBED OFF ON MY 5 YEAR OLD SON.

“There’s gotta be a better way to say that.”–Michael Bluth

Posted by: Dr. Mantis Toboggan in response to Videogum’s Teen Korner: My Life Is Twilight
Score = 94


I’ve been making out with my German Shepherd while pretending he’s Taylor Lautner. MLIT

Posted by: DuckDuck in response to Videogum’s Teen Korner: My Life Is Twilight
Score = 107

[Ed. note: I am not sure that I realized how much everyone’s life, including my own, was Twilight until this week. Now I know. It is true what they say about ignorance and bliss!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comments

I will nominate these movies until at least one of them makes it, because God they are awful!

Wild Wild West

Eyes Wide Shut

Monster’s Ball


Mullholland Falls

Nine (the animated movie)

A Knight’s Tale

Good job on That Benjamin Button’s Shit! That movie is top five, easy.

Posted by: Aquaboogy in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: You Will Miss Me When I Burn
Score = -28

[Ed. note: yikes! Sorry, Aquaboogy. Your comment hardly seems like the worst comment of the week, but what did you expect in this gang of Wild Wild West superfans?]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

“Red sweatpants on blue sweatpants day? That’s a caning!”

Posted by: mwilliamrice in response to The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Jaden Smith As The Black Karate Kid
Score = 43

[Ed. note: Congratulations to our winner, mwilliamrice!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

Oh hey, I could go to this.

But I wont.

Posted by: Ivan Idea in response to You Guys, Let’s Have A Videogum Video Pizza Party For Real!

[Ed. note: I am singling Ivan Idea out for a rare inverted-Editor’s Choice. What is the deal, Ivan Idea? It is one thing to not be able to come to the Videogum Pizza Party on December 15th, that is fine. It’s also fine to not WANT to come. We are all adults here, we can make decisions. But to be so flip! Why so flip and blase, Ivan Idea? You are too bored. Treat yourself to something special this weekend, Ivan Idea. You deserve it. And cheer up! The rest of you, please RSVP for the Videogum Pizza Party on December 15h here.]