Danny Boyle Moving Forward With Slummountain Onearmenaire

Danny Boyle is getting to work on his follow-up to Slumdog Millionaire, titled 127 Hours. From Variety:

Fox Searchlight and Danny Boyle have firmed plans to make their next collaboration “127 Hours,” a film that tells the story of mountaineer Aron Ralston.

After his right forearm got pinned for nearly five days under a boulder during a climb in Utah in May, 2003, Ralston used a dull knife to amputate the limb. He then scaled a 65-foot sheer wall and hiked out before running into a family that gave him water and food. He was finally rescued by helicopter.

How did he do it?

A: He cheated
B: He’s lucky
C: He’s a genius
D: By using a dull knife to amputate the limb

What a wonderful fantasy story that captures the color and beauty of nightmarish near-death experiences and impossible survival! Danny Boyle will be casting for the movie from the slum base camps of Mount Everest. And he has already established a charitable trust for the actors so that after the movie is completed they will be able to one day hopefully escape the their snow-strewn tents. But there are some conditions. In order to receive money from the trust, they will have to stay in mountain-climbing school, even if their camps are razed by avalanches.

OK, admittedly, this is all just a very one-note joke. And a very poorly constructed one-note joke at that. But at least I didn’t have to EXPLOIT ANY CHILDREN to make it. Jai-ZING.

YA BURNT, Danny Boyle.