Listen, fresh dudes who respect girls and want everyone to be treated equally, and proud young women who know that they are in charge of their own destinies (which could even include being the first female president some day!), I know that you get rapped at all the time. Your teachers are always rapping at you about the importance of studying hard. Your parents are always rapping at you about staying away from drugs. Your local community theater troupe is always rapping at you during special afternoon performances that get you to of Civics Class (nice!) about the dangers of unprotected sex. With all that rapping, it can be pretty tough to just BE YRSELFZ. Facebook! And then you’ve got big corporations rapping at you about their new products. As if you can’t see right through them. We all know that marketing is just about getting you to buy junk you don’t need. No way, JoseCorp! Not chill! Keep your raps for your sheepholders meetings!
But I do want to take one second to just get real, with you guys. Just kick it, you know. It’s like world famous superstar Jamie Kennedy always says, “KICKIN’ IT OLD SCHOOL.” I want to kick it with you about a product that I think you’re going to see is not only cool, but it is into the things you’re into, which is namely Twilight and vampires and werewolves and making awkward love when your parents are on a vacation to rekindle their marriage.
I’m rapping, of course, about Vitamin Water:
You are crazy for this one, Tay! Lor Lautner!
Some thirsts can never be quenched, like Vitamin Water’s thirst for terrible metaphors. This is one of the funniest ads that I have ever seen. “Tastes like raging hormones and sexual confusion.” And that’s fresh! (Via Vulture.)