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Duh Aficionado Magazine: Chris Brown Can Transform Ya, Ladies

Uh, we know that you can transform the ladies, Chris Brown. Especially in the face. You just ball your hands up into fists and you turn regular faces into heavily punched faces. And then you run away into the night. It’s weird that you didn’t include any lyrics about how after transforming a lady you love to run away into the night, leaving them in the car. Which I guess you are now? You’re a car? Cut out the middle man! “I was tired of beating women up in cars, so I decided to just become a car myself. Now beating up women is even easier! And with the time that I save beating up women, I learned how to use nunchucks. I can’t wait to use them on someone’s face, especially a woman’s!” That is what Chris Brown says.

Good thing he cleared all those weeds off the side of that road. He seems like such a nice guy now. (No he doesn’t.)