Simon Cowell To End Lazy Gay Jokes In Honor Of Gay Woman

I don’t watch American Idol. For one thing, I am 102 years old. What is there for me in American Idol? Is there medicine in it? How about a comfortable place to sit away from the window because it’s too cold by the window? No. There is nothing for me in American Idol. Besides, I watched season one in its entirety, and everyone who watched season one knows that no one on that show will ever be better than Kelly Clarkson, and no one on that show will ever be more hilarious and awful than Justin Guarini. We passed the peak years ago.

But even though I don’t watch it anymore, I still remember Simon Cowell’s constant insistence on the homosexuality of Ryan Seacrest. It was a pretty bold tactic for a man who wears shiny v-neck shirts to show off his chest hair and orders his teeth whitener and fake tanner in industrial quantities. Well, apparently that is all going to change. Now that Ellen DeGeneres will be a guest judge, the producers are suddenly second-guessing the lazy borderline hate-speech they’ve allowed to go on for years.

From the National Enquirer (via Celebitchy):

Don’t expect to hear Simon Cowell needle Ryan Seacrest about being gay on “American Idol” this season, sources say.

“Idol” execs have warned both stars to cut out their usual gay banter when talk-show host Ellen Degeneres, who came out of the closet years ago, joins the series, insiders say.

Simon and Ryan have had their fun poking at each other’s sexuality for eight seasons now, even though neither one of them is gay.

“With an openly gay woman coming on board, an effort is being made to make her feel welcome,” a source divulged.

“Simon’s been told, and to a lesser extent Ryan too, that the act is played out anyway, so no more ribbing each other about being gay. The ‘Idol’ bosses don’t want it.”

Simon has ribbed Ryan mercilessly about his sexuality for years, even advising him to “lose the beard” when he briefly dated actress Teri Hatcher. Meanwhile, Ryan has joked that Simon is a cross-dresser.

“Idol” boss Simon Fuller was never fond of the gay joshing, according to another source, but the show’s former producer Nigel Lythgoe thought it was hilarious.

“Nigel thought the gay talk was over the heads of most of the kids who watch the show,” the source told The Enquirer. “But Simon (Fuller) says with Ellen coming on board, he wants it stopped.”

You know how kids are, they never pick up on things at all. That’s why racism never really caught on, because of how it was just too over everyone’s heads growing up, so they never learned to intrinsically hate each other. Racism: the Great Failed Experiment.

Ugh. On the one hand it is good that one of the most popular and influential shows on American television of the past decade, geared primarily to CHILDREN, has FINALLY decided that maybe they should cool it with all of the stupid gay jokes, but on the other hand it is incredible that it is only happening now and only happening because Ellen DeGeneres is going to be on the show. In a way that’s almost worse? For one thing, it’s condescending. Oh, America could handle the gay jokes for the past seven years, but Ellen DeGeneres is going to fall apart the first time Simon Cowell cracks wise about his embroidered jeans? Right. And for another thing: what about doing it because it’s the right thing to do, and not because you want to make a half-hearted attempt at appeasing the politically powerful gay woman who is joining the show?

Boo, this show I don’t watch. For this I will continue to not watch you.