This Motherhood Poster Needs To Take A Nap

There’s something wrong with Esther, you guys.

This poster for an upcoming comedy (?) starring Uma Thurman looks great, huh? Right? Riiiiiiight? Just look at it! LOL? She’s got a pacifier in her mouth…because she needs to stop crying? Because women talk and/or cry too much? Perfect. Someone shut this woman up!

She’s got glasses on, too, so she’s probably really smart. That’s how you can tell. It would be neat if she was a busy businesswoman who didn’t have time to raise a child. It’s weird that no one has ever made a movie like that. I guess America wasn’t ready. But Barack Obama is president now, so it’s time for there to be a movie about a busy business woman who is forced to choose between having a career and having a family. It’s the ’90s!

And that tagline! Really smart. It’s true! There aren’t any timeouts in motherhood. Because timeouts are what you give children who were bad? I think they mean breaks. But “there are no breaks in motherhood” is, admittedly, not that clever of a tagline. Unless they’re saying Motherhood is like a professional basketball game? Football? If that is what they mean, then there are still no timeouts, but timeouts mean something different. Ouch! My brain! I guess there are timeouts, though, sometimes, in motherhood, like when you do a bad job and social services takes your child away and you have to sit in your room and think about what you’ve done. Right? LOLOLOL. Maybe her baby gets taken away from her because of negligent parenting and she has to go on a road trip with Breckin Myer, Joe Pesci, and Danny Glover to get her baby back from the state but then the car breaks down and it starts raining you just never know how it could possibly get worse. Haha!