An Open Letter To The Summer Of 2010

Dear Summer of 2010,

I am writing to you from the summer of 2009. Do you remember it? What a summer it has been so far, and it is only July! For one thing, many people have died. Summer bummer! Ed McMahon, Billy Mays, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Walter Cronkite, and Karl Malden have all died! (And Ron Silver, Bea Arthur and Dom Deluise died in the spring, which unless things have changed drastically in the past year, is very close to the summer!) There was also the whole Iranian political uprising. Remember? When Americans bravely changed their Twitter avatars green? Oh, and it rained a lot, at least in New York, which was kind of a drag. Has it rained a lot so far in the summer of 2010? Do people still write such boring letters in the summer of 2010? They probably write boring HOVER LETTERS, am I right?

From here, it is impossible to know what things are like where you are. Sure, it has only been a year, but a lot can happen in a year. The world is so different than it was 12 months ago (Barack Obama is president, the Black Eyed Peas are back) that I wouldn’t even dare to guess what is in store for all of us. Predicting the future is a fool’s game.

But I can tell you one thing that is happening where you are right now (spooky!). Unless the Earth is covered in water–and let’s be honest, there’s a more than decent chance that the Earth is covered in water–Wipeout is still on the air. I just read this morning (2009) that ABC has already ordered another season of Wipeout for next summer. Congratulations! You’re probably sitting around on your hover chairs drinking your space juice and thinking, “they don’t make rocketcars like they used to, but at least we still have Wipeout.” You would think that a show like Wipeout wouldn’t need to be ordered a year in advance, what with its hastily cobbled together Chuck-E-Cheese set and its campy sports announcers as if it was a real thing. You’d think you could just wait 10 months, see how things are going, and then put the production into place at the last minute and no one would be able to tell the difference. Although one of the show’s producers said that they’re building a new set for next summer (goosebumps) and that it will be “nothing like anybody has ever seen.” Oh really? Do people get punched and bopped and knocked in the head with padded objects until they fall into a pool of mud? Because that is a lot like something that people have seen.

And will continue to keep seeing in 2010! Yay! (Yay?) Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get to the lake house to mail this.

Gabe “Big Balls” Delahaye (Sorry)