Lost: Daniel Faraday Is Your Density

After weeks of speculation concerning the whereabouts of Mr. Daniel Faraday, he returned last week dressed in all black aboard the Dharma submarine. Immediately, questions arose. Where had he been? How was he working for a secret black ops Dharma force? WHEN were his boots and briefcase? So, perhaps the greatest disappointment of what will surely go down in the record blogs as one of the great Lost episodes of all time, was how quickly and casually they glossed over all of this. “Oh, I was in Ann Arbor, doing some stuff.” HUH? Look, we all love Ann Arbor. We were all born and raised there, and it is equally exciting to every single one of us to have it turn up as a salient plot point in this wonderful show. But give me a break. He disappears for three years without explanation, we never even see him leave, and then you just brush it all off like who cares?

These guys look excited, but actually they are angry!


Another slippery slope, Lost guys. Do better.

Anyway! Daniel Faraday has returned to the island to inform Jack and the gang that it was not their destiny to return to the island as his mother said. What? But she said that it was their destiny, and now you are saying that it is not their destiny. Mixed signals! Two mixed signals!

You see, all of his life, Daniel Faraday’s mother has been preparing him to be a genius. No time for piano! Only time for time travel flash cards! But nothing he does is ever good enough for her. Even when Daniel graduates from Hogwarts, she tries to make him break up with his girlfriend, and his graduation present is a dreamjournal. She does take him out for a nice Indian dinner, though. You could tell it was an Indian restaurant because:

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN, YOU GUYS. There are clues everywhere in this show.

Anyway, Daniel gets a research grant from Widmore, but then his experiment goes wrong and kills his girlfriend and forces him to leave Oxford and lose his mind. His memory is completely shot, which is when Mr. Widmore comes to him and asks him to get on the freighter. He’s like “maybe the island can cure you.” He’s like “you won’t remember this tomorrow.”

Now that Daniel is back on the island, after a brief super creepy conversation with baby Charlotte, it is time to escape. Miles, will you drive us? DRIVE YOURSELF! Also, this:

You see, they have to find the hostiles because Faraday has realized that human beings are…variables and if he can…detonate that hydrogen bomb from earlier in the season then he can…stop the hatch from ever being built to contain…the magic power…that Desmond will accidentally unleash…and thus he can keep Oceanic flight 815 from ever crashing on the island and stop Jack and Kate and Sawyer and Hurley and Scott and Steve and Barb and Mike and Walt and Bob and Danny and Theresa from ever coming to the island in the first place. Of course, this is where we get into mindfuuuuuuck territory, because were he to SPOILER ALERT succeed, then Kate and Jack wouldn’t even be there to hear his theory in the first place, which suggests that he SPOILER ALERT doesn’t succeed. But whatever! It’s the journey not the destination!

Meanwhile, back on Team Sawyer, the decision has been made to abandon Dharma and head for the beaches. There’s just one problem: the least convincing sociopathic security guard in the history of unconvincing sociopathic security guards is on to them!

That guy. Narc School, school full of narcs.

So, Widmore is Faraday’s father, and Daniel’s mother sent him back to the island so that she could murder him, which all suggests that up until now absolutely nothing has changed whatsoever, and everyone IS locked in some kind of dance with the destiny in the pale moon light. Which also suggests that both Widmore and Faraday’s mother know what is going to happen next, even if Faraday’s mother just told Penny in the Emergency Room that she did NOT know. Two more mixed signals.

R.I.P. Daniel Faraday