Nice Try, Denny’s: Salvation, Everyone Knows Your Food Is Shit

Denny’s new commercial (via TVSquad) is getting in on that feel good robotic nuclear apocalypse trend. When you go to business school one of the first things they teach you is “ABAYPWTCDOH*.” Black market coffee served in the skulls of the dead is for closers. Look it up.

Hey, I’ve been to Denny’s, OK? Lots of times. I’m not some king over here sitting on my velvet thrown of solid pleasure. But I don’t think any of us are confused about the quality of Denny’s cuisine. We can relax with the whole “artisanal health food” thing. Maybe they don’t have actual robots in the kitchen preparing your heart attack, but they definitely have actual halfway house residents. (Not that I’m knocking halfway house residents. We all have to work so we can put cartons of cigarettes on our family.) If my high school experience taught me anything, it’s that what Denny’s lacks in being able to make food that is not garbage, they totally make up for in making a dingily lit room full of cigarette smoke for kids to hang out in wearing Violent J face paint after the ICP concert.

Make an ad about that.

*Always Be Aligning Your Product With The Complete Destruction Of Humankind.